Dark Eyes
by ChocolateMilk2
Summary: When Sora disappears from the islands one evening, Riku goes with Tidus on a long journey to find him. -Implied slash, character death-
1. Chapter One

A/N: Just a fic I've been writing through the holidays for a friend at school. Future chapters will only be about 1000 words, this one is about five in one... Sorry about some lack of italics/forwardslashes for important things by the way, they didn't convert when I submitted the document, I'm going to have to manually edit them all back. Oh, and apologies in advance for spelling mistakes, I know they're in there somewhere.

*Kumo = Japanese for Cloud.

Warnings: Yaoi (lime's prolly as bad as it's gonna get), AU, minor plot spoilers.

* * *

Riku was never afraid of the dark.

All his childhood, he heard of monsters lurking in dark things like bedrooms: in the closet or under the bed, vampires or bogeymen which were invisible during the daylight but after twilight, became so realistically solid in the shadows. He heard of kids being afraid of these shadows, knew of kids being afraid of them. His best friend Sora was one, Riku privately thought, because whenever he slept over at Sora's house the boy would adamantly refuse to turn out the nightlight, no matter how tired the pair became or how hard his mum yelled about their skyrocketing electricity bills and poor kids in Wutai needing the refined mako energy more then they did.

Point being, Riku always dismissed these rumours as unreasonable, on the basis that if there were shadows, plural, (and not just one big shadow of night-time dark) then the scared kids' darkness wasn't quite dark enough, because real dark had no light to make more than one shadow, and if they had more then one shadow, they must have more than one light, which defeated the point of dark.

He often found this point hard to convince, however, because his mind was still young and he had trouble with big words, and long explanations, and because most people couldn't see the difference between dark and darkness.

It was all about plurals in the world of Riku.

Sora never noticed Riku's secret insomnia, just like Riku's parents never noticed him dismantling all the glowing digital clocks in the house, replacing his thin curtains with thick bedsheets and doona's, or on warm summer nights sleeping under his bed with the apparent monster that lived there, but it was one of the first things that Kairi first noticed about him.

Riku could remember her noticing, the day that they met, when Sora'd gone over to visit the mayor's daughter one faithful day – Riku'd changed his mind about meeting her last minute – and she'd been brought back to their special island. She'd been introduced to Tidus, Selphie and Wakka respectively, and gotten off on a bad start with them by asking Wakka why he wasn't playing with friends his own age. Riku had been kneeling in the insides of the Big Tree-house at the time, squinting to find a message scrawled in a place where a staircase would later be, and in a rare act of inscrutable countenance Sora asked Kairi to go find him there, so he could explain to the others that they did things a bit differently in the big city (and so he'd lecture them on being extra nice to her, not thinking on an apology).

Riku couldn't remember the first thing she said to him, hazed and black as his memory still is and was, but at some point or another Kairi had giggled in the same pitch of tone she always would later and said, "Reading in the dark-- well I don't know about you, but my mother always said that was bad for my eyes." He'd turned to give her a weird look because she'd said mother, not mum like the rest of the kid population, and because somehow he'd mistaken her for Selphie, who sometimes came to hang out and chatter idioms of small talk at him while he did something more important. But now Riku really, truly looked at her.

"You're not from around here," He noted. It came out like an accusation.

"No," she agreed, "I'm not."

"Double negative," Riku deadpanned, and for some reason Kairi found it hilarious: she collapsed into a fit of more of her own off kind of giggles and smiled at him, genuinely. Riku could've flinched: no one but Sora had looked at him like that for a long time.

"Come out into sunlight with me, I want to see if your eyes still work." Riku did, which was unusual for him (he was the type of rebel that never listened to anyone's orders ever, especially orders from someone years younger than him) and when he later looked back on Kairi's words, they didn't make the sense they did at the time. How would've she been able to tell and why would she even want to? Why did he follow her?

The image of the sparkling blue water and bright yellow sand still burned in his mind, and probably still in hers, when she turned it meant he related her deep blue eyes to the sea, compared and contrasted them with the sky blue of Sora's, and she was looking at his own eyes too, she moved up close and fingered the dark bags just beneath his eyelids and let her eyes flicker again to his, with sadness. In that moment Riku knew that Kairi knew about him.

As quickly as it had the feeling appeared it disappeared, and Kairi was suddenly bouncing about like Selphie, annoying him with a million all too personal questions and wondering what plaything she should use as a weapon when they all fought or if she should just sit out. Eventually Sora got jealous and stole him off her, and the rest of the afternoon they spent playing in the water and teaching the new girl how to swim.

When time came to go home, Riku opted to stay on their special island a bit longer to train. Wakka raised an eyebrow, and drawled something about doing enough training already and Tidus looked a bit wistful. Riku didn't have the nerve to look at Kairi.

Then Sora surprised Riku, by deciding, "If you're staying, then I'm staying too. I can't have you getting any better than me at fighting, after all."

But for some reason, they didn't fight. Riku simply surmised that that day wasn't a day for fighting and neither could muster the nerve to move from their spots on Riku's Papao tree, once they sat down there to watch the sunset.

The sun reflected so that the water shone, but that wasn't the real focus then. It was the sky, with its swirls of pink cloud on an orange backdrop, covering golden white mist overlayed by faint streaks of purple.

Something so natural and so beautiful, and Sora rested his head on Riku's shoulder, moved. It didn't seem fair that people as insignificant in life as them could bear witness to something so pretty.

It ended, and they were just two boys sitting on a tree on an island again.

"I need to pee." Sora said, and went off to do his business someplace Riku hoped he would never accidentally step.

It went without saying that they wouldn't be able to rowboat to the mainland in the sudden offspring of darkness. With saying, Sora and Riku agreed to get back as quickly as possible at sun up the next morning, and hopefully their parents wouldn't notice. (What was Riku kidding? It was really only hopefully Sora's parents wouldn't notice, because Riku's parents wouldn't notice a skinned chocobo if it danced to techno in their morning breakfast cereal.)

Taking the picnic blanket from the Big Tree-house, Riku decided to go sleep in the dark of The Secret Place. It wasn't that late yet though, so Riku was still awake when Sora joined him with the tablecloth, even though he pretended not to be.

"Riku," Sora's teeth chattered. "I'm cold."

"And I'm hungry." Riku replied, moving to share the picnic blanket.

"Go eat Papua then." A pause. "I can't see my hand when I bring it up to my face, Riku."

Riku didn't voice his solution for that.

The next morning's sunrise wasn't quite as awesome as the previous evening sunset, for some reason. The sentimental part of Riku said it was because when he woke up Sora wasn't next to him and he had no one to watch it with but the logical part said it was because media propaganda usually over enthused the beauty of sunsets, which left sunrises with the rather short and almost ugly end of the stick.

It wasn't long before Riku found Sora, curled up in a little ball in the beach-shack, and struck with a certain sadistic sense, he poked the younger boy until he stirred.

"No mama," He groaned, "I dun wanna go ta big school today."

"But Sora," Riku mimicked, "If you don't go today you'll have to go in the school holidays, and that'll make your poor kindi teacher cry."

Sora's eyes fluttered open, "What…? _Hey_, Riku!"

Riku was tackled to the outside sand, and they play-wrestled together, rolling in meaningless circles until Sora shoved Riku away to stand.

"Aww damn, now I got sand in my hair."

"What do I care, so long as we get home before half the island wakes up, that's all that matters to me."

They shared a dinghy home, because they were both still small enough to do that, and because Sora complained about a crick in his neck and not being able to row being still half asleep. Riku may or may not have murmured something at sea about doing all the work and Sora being lucky he wasn't woken up with a sponge to the face, and in the ensuing argument Riku threatened to rock the boat and swim back to shore by himself.

Riku didn't, of course, but they weren't speaking as they dragged the boat ashore and tied it at the dock.

Two months and a Monday later, Riku sat at home at the breakfast table, staring at his half eaten nutella toast while his mother gushed about how tall he'd grown seemingly overnight. There was a stewing urge to snap at her, say something like "gee, I'm surprised you've noticed, with all the time you spend home," but he wanted to go the islands that afternoon to cheer up Sora, so he'd resolved to be nice. Or at least socially acceptable. Long gone were the days where he could just row off to an island for the day and not have his absence questioned by over inquisitive parents.

God, and it was all thanks to stupid Selphie. She just had to look twice at that chalk picture on the staircase, didn't she? He was totally blissful in his ignorance before she came along but noooooo, she just had to ruin that and ask…

_"Is that picture you're looking at drawn going downwards, Riku?"_

_He looked at her without turning his head, then looked back. Well duh. And it wasn't a picture. It was a message, a secret message that one of the last kids to use the island had written on the wall - instead of in the Secret Place, which was where their gang wrote all of their Cool People Were Here stuff - and Riku had thus been in the process of interpreting for the last few weeks, on and off. (It'd even been what he'd looking at when he first met Kairi, but for some reason, he sometimes felt as if he'd leave the most sacred musing in the world without a second glance, for her.)_

_The picture was drawn on four steps, that had a scribble, an eye, a heart and a sheep respectively. Riku hadn't gotten it at first, but after a moment or two of looking he caught: Fuzz, I love sheep._

_Selphie was noticing other things. "The sheep has eyelashes."_

_"So?" Riku said._

_"Well, it's a simple drawing, they must be there for a reason." She reached out to touch the three markings with her forefingers. "Do you know what eyelashes are usually meant to represent in cartoons like this one, Riku?"_

_"No," he drawled, quietly adding, "and I don't particularly want to."_

_Selphie either didn't hear him or pretended otherwise: "They represent girls— I remember Kairi showing me the difference the other day when I was watching one of her animes and mistook_

_k one of the characters for a guy."_

_"Lovely, great, it's a female sheep now, is it? Fascinating, just fascinating, that is, I can see it makes all the difference in the world."_

_"And if you'd let me finish, a female sheep is called an Ewe, pronounced You. So the message all well could be 'Fuzz, I love you'."_

_Riku glared at Selphie. Not because he was angry at her, but because she'd spoiled it for him before he could for himself._

_She continued spoiling it for him. "In that case, Fuzz wouldn't necessarily have to be called Fuzz to make sense: it could just be a scribbled out picture, or maybe a thing, or a name. It looks a lot like a Cloud, don't you think? Maybe Kumo* then or…"_

_Riku snorted. "You're such a romanticist, Selphie." He stood up, "Look, just forget about the whole thing, alright? It doesn't matter, just some dumb drawing someone probably did when they were bored that's being looked into too much. I'm gonna go see what Wakka and Tidus are doing."_

_"Okay," she agreed, then, "You know, one of Sora's brothers' name is Cloud. It could be written from one of his friends, from when they still-"_

_Riku turned away. "I said forget it, Selphie."_

But she didn't forget, did she. Riku's hand tightened on his spoon. She just _had_ to go blab about the chalk drawing to Sora, who, of course, derailed at any mention of Cloud, and, by extension, his half-brother Roxas. And then Sora's mum caught on from that, and somehow surmised that Sora's upset state was Riku's fault: she loudly explained her opinions to Riku's parents, and Riku's parents fought with Sora's parent, and Riku's parents decided that the whole Strife family was bad business and Riku'd have nothing more to do with Sora.

Which wasn't a good thing, since Riku still liked Sora, and didn't want to see him sad, though he'd never admit it aloud.

Stupid Stupid Selphie, he should've left the moment he moment he saw her enter the room.

Standing up from the breakfast table, Riku shouldered his schoolbag and waved a goodbye to his mum. He wouldn't skip school today, no matter how much he wanted to curl up in a little ball in his dark Secret Place and cry angry tears. He'd go to school for Sora, and Sora would appreciate his effort and Riku would buy him a chocolate bar and they'd both be friends again. Screw Selphie. And Kairi. And the whole world, for that matter.

The first raindrops of a downpour began to fall on the path in front of him, and Riku squeezed his eyes shut as he walked to school.

It was downright pouring by the time Riku reached the wrought iron front gates of Destiny Island's only public high school, and his thick, white hoodie had soaked through to the inside to stick to his skin uncomfortably. He'd debated taking it off, exposing himself to the wind and the rain and the elements but for an umbrella, then kept it on, thinking with the foresight that if he did his t-shirt would probably start sticking to his skin too—and once he reached the school there would be someone else with a raincoat or an umbrella to share, anyway.

He was wrong.

There was only one car parked in the exceedingly spacious black gravel of the teacher's car park, and it was the sad Ute of a bomb which had yet to be toed away, after being abandoned there the week before. No one was huddling under the covered entrance area either. The gates were locked, meaning school had already started or was called off for the rain. Probably the latter, what with the stupid mandatory education system always overreacting to everything-- so what if Riku was a minor delinquent and never showed up, that didn't mean they had to call his mum at work about it.

On that note, Riku's mum was at work now, and wouldn't be back till a bit after school finished. Riku didn't have a spare set of keys, and never brought his mobile with him to school - it was worth a bit, it'd probably get stolen by some cheap lowlife - so there was no way of getting in at home unless he gambled the climb up the drainpipe.

Riku sighed, and promptly turned around. He'd have to go to Sora's place: Kairi's was the other option but she lived on the water on the rich side of town and he didn't want to walk that far in this weather. (Selphie was also close, but the thought of having to spend the day stuck in a house with her was a horrid one… Riku didn't know where Tidus lived, and Wakka had a tin roof, meaning that Riku's ears would be bleeding to death on the sidewalk with the noise of the rain.)

By the time Riku reached Sora's place, every exposed piece of him was completely and utterly drenched, and his sneakers were squelching with every step. Water was dripping into his eyes from his hair, so he had to keep pulling his fringe back, and his hands were numb, and unfeeling as he pounded the doorbell with his fist. When he looked, they didn't shiver at all but shake.

A single eye moved to the door's peephole to greet him. It wasn't a brilliant blue jem of Sora's but his one of mum's chocolate brown orbs, which widened with surprise then narrowed with anger, and then there was an ominous click. The door was now locked.

Riku swore loudly and gave the stubborn woman the mental finger, proceeding to walk around the back of the house to throw stones at Sora's window in hopes that the younger, kinder boy would appear at it to let him in. Sora didn't, and Riku wasn't about to wait for the old hag to suddenly hear and lock that entrance, so after a few minutes of nothing, he climbed through it and immediately shut Sora's door.

Riku wasn't sure where Sora was exactly, but he knew Sora'd understand him getting changed into some of his drier clothes there and then. Most of Sora's clothing was pooffy, bright, highly accessorized and a bit small-looking for Riku, so Riku spent a good fifteen minutes or so clad only in his boxers, thumbing through for pants that didn't have fifty million peace badges or fake pink pockets.

That was what he was doing when Sora entered.

"Umm, Riku…" said Sora. "What are you doing?" (But it sounded like 'what are you doing _here_'.)

Riku may or may not've flinched at the sight, looking up. Water ran a line down his torso: Sora had just come out of the shower or bath, and similarly wasn't wearing much. Just a towel around his waist and a confused grin on his face, but shit, Riku envied that figure, that gravity-defying hair, that consistently light tan there and then. How Sora even managed to keep it all lasting in the winter months Riku had no idea.

"I um," Riku stuttered, trying to find Sora's eyes, "got locked out of my house and stuck in the rain, and I needed to change into a dry set of clothes, I assumed you were out."

"Mama actually let you in?" Sora's tone was amused and he looked more relaxed than Riku had ever seen him. Umm. Unsexy thoughts. Unsexy thoughts… Wasn't Sora still supposed to be all emo about Roxas right now?

"That's the thing. She didn't, and locked the door on me, and I had to climb through the window and I did and I think I might've broken it." Technically it was the rocks that broke it, Riku mentally corrected.

"You think?" Sora's face suddenly darkened. "Riku, do you have any idea how much munny it'll cost to fix that break? Mama's gonna chuck a spaz, and I'll have to put up with cold drafts and rain all this winter, and— are you even listening?"

No. Riku'd stopped getting dressed, his face horror stricken for the sound of impending footsteps, from down the hall.

Sora freaked out, a little, quietly. "Shit! Give me those clothes – no, don't worry about the pants – can you hide in the dresser?" Riku didn't fit. "Never mind about that, maybe under the bed?" Riku's leg was stuck behind an iron bar in the wardrobe.

Sora stood on his bed and grappled for a knob at the ceiling, while also trying to hold his towel up, and for a moment Riku thought he'd gone mad. Then he saw the step ladder spring down from a trapdoor.

Two knocks on the door. "Sora, are you alright in there?"

Somehow, Riku managed to free his leg from the wardrobe: he survived unscathed, but the mahogany clothes storage unit toppled in the progress. Sora rushed down to set it upright and Riku scrambled for the stepladder: they bonked heads, and fell backwards.

"Idiot." Sora hissed, rubbing his forehead. More carefully, they detangled themselves of each other and crawled towards their appropriate destinations.

"Uh, yes mama, I'm just having a couple of issues with my floorlamp." Sora finally answered. Oh god was he a horrible liar. "Just a minute."

There was a heavy clunk like Sora pushing the wardrobe back up against the wall or being crushed by its wait. The former, Riku surmised, as he felt a He stuffed Riku's remaining limbs up and slammed the door shut. Silence.

For a couple of seconds, Riku dared not to even move, even breathe in the possibility of being caught, but as a quiet banter of conversation resumed below ("What were you doing in here, moving furniture?" "No mama, I just left the clock radio on before my shower … when I was coming in I moved to turn it off … tripped on the lamp's cord, knocked it over…") he relaxed and let his brain reacquaint him with the world.

It was a disused, narrow, attic-sort place that Sora had shoved him into, full of cardboard boxes and old calendars and dusty teddy bears that didn't get love anymore. There was a large, triangular window in the corner, facing the back of the house, and a rocking chair. Posters of famous army personnel, and some rockstars who had long since seen their time. Along one wall a bunk bed, with unmade bed sheets. A hammer.

Riku again froze before he turned to see the display cabinet with the shattered glass encasing, because he'd only just realized that this was Cloud's room. Cloud's old room. The room he had before he reputably went mad and killed his father, the room he had before something'd made him run away from the world.

Suddenly paranoid, Riku pulled his arms around his knees, nervously waiting for Sora to reopen the trapdoor and give him the all's clear for downstairs.

Maybe it was some form of irony, that Riku was sitting all curled up paranoid, waiting for something to happen above the trapdoor when Sora's mum pulled back it's flap. Riku fell back, tumbling down onto her surprised with a yelp and an internal hiss—there was a sharp, brief flare of pain in his wrist.

"Mama!" Sora cried. Riku quickly pulled himself off the older women, and Sora quickly rushed to her side to help her up.

The hag batted him away, and shakily stood up, waving a finger out at Riku. "You." She accused.

"Me?" Riku asked, swallowing.

"How dare you set foot in this house, after I specifically forbade you not to, after all of what you did to my son. Didn't your parents ever teach you manners, boy? I hope they're ashamed of you … trespassing on private property … invading forbidden part … home …" The lecture seemed to go on forever. Something about Sora's clothes, about the broken window; Riku's feet just moved backward and backward and his hands rose to in front of his chest in an unconscious gesture of defence.

Sora was stomping down the hallway, yelling, "No! No, mama, It's not his fault, it's mine, listen to reason. Please."

She wasn't having any of it: her eyes were ablaze with fire.

"Can I at least-"

The door slammed in Riku's face. "-get some clothes on."

He was standing on Sora's front door, in only his white silk boxers, in broad daylight. Not that was much light to be seen in the day. The thick, greyscale clouds blocked the sun and the rain blocked the clouds blocked the light blocked the darked blocked Riku. And in the background, the start of a fight he had never intended to cause ("Why do you always-" "Why do I? I was protecting you. It's for your own … know better … room, stay-" "-hate you!-").

Gods, this sucked. There was a lump in Riku's throat. He'd never meant for this to happen, he'd only ever been trying to help Sora, he thought that if he went to school, he thought that if he visited him, then maybe his presence could cheer him up. Or Riku could, or something else could, but he was wrong, like usual, and now they were both miserable and not even miserable together.

Riku didn't dwell on it. His wrist throbbed idly: he bent his arm and held it to his chest in remnants of something he remembered from a televised first aid course and looked up and down the street for any passer by who might catch him there, bereft, in a rare hour of weakness. No one. Nothing. Riku could yet still have his pride. It wasn't a far walk home either, if he took the shortcut through the park.

He did take the shortcut, in the end. He scared some innocent schoolchildren who were jumping in park puddles and got prickles all through his feet and mud, and became even wetter than he was before. Better than walking through town – he'd probably get arrested - but damn, was he cold now, without his clothes, and so hungry too, why did he forget his schoolbag, maybe it would've been heavy to carry around but at least it had lunch and a jumper.

This was Riku's line of mental thought, trudging through his front garden to the porch, not forgetting to check the snail-infested mailbox. He had no idea what he was meant to do, since the door was probably locked since his mum wasn't back yet but at least the mail'd give him something to think about before the neighbours let their dogs in and got the shock of their life.

He was saved from the trouble of finding something else when surprisingly, he found the front door unlocked, and the answer to his next unspoken question lying down on the couch absorbed in a newspaper.

"Afternoon, son." Riku's father didn't look up. "Hard day at school?"

Actually, he didn't go, as the gates were locked and the sky was kind of pouring, cats and dogs and llamas, just in case you hadn't noticed. "Yeah, dad. They whooped us up good, tons of homework and assignments and all that. Guessing since you're home you did night shift?"

"Morning." He answered. His eyes were fluttering. Hey, I stay awake when you talk, Riku joked mentally, except in actuality he was stumbling out of that room as fast as his feet would take him. He'd planned to do everything when he got home; take a shower, pig out on junk, watch some daytime T.V, read some more of his English novel… Now that he was there and ready to do all that his brain skipped out on him and told him to sleep.

It had been a pretty tiring day, admittedly. Half a day. It was really very lucky that Riku's dad hadn't caught him out on being home so early, or not, not wearing anything except his boxers, if it'd been his mum he probably would've got a roasting the moment he stepped into the neighbourhood. Riku yawned, ending that thought abruptly. All he had to worry about then, falling onto his bed and pulling unmade sheets over his wet, weary head was darkness.

He couldn't understand. Why would anyone ever be afraid of the dark?

Once Riku'd finished what he left off the night before, in regards to sleep, he waddled out of bed and did all the mundane things he'd put off earlier, like clean, dress and get something to eat. His father had gone out to buy some groceries from the general store, he'd left a note, and so Riku didn't have to worry about singing too loudly in the shower or being too much of a hassle. He did worry, however, about what he'd say when mum came home at her usual before-school ended time— she was likely to be more coherent and less understanding. Eventually Riku figured he'd just mumble something about it ending early because of hail warnings and retire quickly to his bedroom, but he'd been using that excuse a fair bit lately, (not that she'd ever notice) and he didn't want to sound suspicious.

Something that was also a mundane thing that Riku didn't want to sound suspicious in was calling Sora. Sure, he did it all the time, but he'd screwed up badly this time, and he wanted to sound as genuine as possible to Sora. He'd been avoiding it, but he knew he had to call sometime. He couldn't just keep things on the terms they left with.

After psyching himself up for it, Riku locked himself in his room with his mobile, and only a ticking clock for sound accompaniment.

It rang three times, then:

"Heya!" A bright voice said.

"Hey, Sor-" Riku quickly replied, his hopes skyrocketing-

"You've reached Sora Strife's voicemail-" Riku always confused it. Every. Single. Time. "-if you don't mind my mandatory alliteration. I'm not here to talk at the moment but if you'll drop me a line I'll be more than happy to call back any time."

That recording was so annoying. The rhymes sucked. Riku really was going to make Sora replace it one day. "Sora, it's me. Riku." He'd rehearsed this, it went fine, all he had to do was keep talking. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for before, and if anything happened with your mum because of it. I shouldn't have acted so rashly, and if it was my rash actions that meant we were caught. Also, umm… Are you okay, man? I mean, not just okay now, but okay all round? I want to know what's got your neck because, well we've all, everyone, (like me and Kairi and Selphie and Tidus and maybe even Wakka), noticed the difference in your moods recently and just, if there's anything you ever need to talk about, whatever you have to say: I'm always there for you."

For whatever reason, Sora didn't reply to Riku's message until after school the next day. Riku'd been stewing about it, all through Maths and Geography and Science, not talking to anyone. Though what good did it do? It wasn't like anyone noticed other than Wakka, and who could blame the rest of them? Riku was hardly the most social of the class on good days and not paying attention to anyone but yourself is a great way for people to notice and care about you, note the sarcasm (it came next to naturally to Riku, him being such a self-centered teenager in desperate need of an attitude adjustment and all).

At least he'd actually managed to get into school today, Riku thought, even if it was a total drag and he got a detention for not handing in his science assignment. And detention wasn't that bad, compared to most days: he did get to share it with Wakka, who'd gotten run up for kicking a blitzball into the staff faculty window. The knowledge that everyone else was also stuck inside, staring boredly out classroom windows might've made detention a bit easier to handle. Same with the passing notes.

_What the hell is miss even babbling on about anyway?_ He'd scribbled idly, _aren't they supposed to leave us to our peace to study in detention, or has the world gone crazy when I wasn't looking?_

_Nah_, Wakka wrote back, and Riku silently applauded his ability to not write the way he spoke, _they changed the rules on us. Apparently one of the parents complained because their kid got bashed in detention and cried about it. They said it mightn't've happened if there was adult supervision. So, this._

_That sucks._

_Yeah. A pause. You know what else sucks?_

_What?_

_You being emo._

_Riku sighed aloud. For the last time Wakka, I'm not emo._

_Yes you are._

_No I'm not._

_You are._

_How am I?_

Wakka took the notebook away for a long time to write and by the time he handed it back the page was covered in dot points and stupid comments and a badly drawn picture of a cat.

"You know what, just forget it." Riku said, tearing out the page and scrunching into a little ball to throw. The teacher didn't even stop her mindless droning. "It never happened."

"Look ya, I dun think that how Sora's treating you is fair either, but that's no reason to go all pussy and throw a hissy fit about it. He'll come 'round eventually, jus' give him time."

"Whatever."

Conversation closed.

Lunchtime ended and Riku and Wakka and one or two nameless kids were let out of detention to return to class. Riku had Art, one of his electives, and the only composite class he had, like shared with the year before. It was fun, in it's on way: he and Selphie had a great little argument about which radio station sucked more and someone started a paint fight in which every one screamed and yelled at each other and Riku again decided he'd fulfilled his word quota for the day and wasn't saying another word to anybody, until he got blue paint in his hair.

Still, no Sora. What was the point in even showing up somewhere, Riku wondered, if your main reason to be there wouldn't show? Selphie had confirmed his presence at school that day, so it wasn't as if he wasn't there. So what was the deal? Was he avoiding Riku or what?

Wakka had told him not to worry about it but really Riku couldn't help himself, he'd been wondering all day and there was nothing else to think about except Sora Sora Sora, Sora as he yawned in maths, Sora as he glued in sheets in Geography, Sora as he stood under his umbrella at the school's looming front gate, watching as Kairi paired of with Selphie to walk home and Wakka with Tidus and Tweedledum with Tweedle dee and-

"Hey." A low voice said. Sora?

"Hi." Riku managed.

"Let's go." Sora said.

They did.

Sora quietly apologized, watching the slush fill the gutters while they walked. Riku didn't have to ask for what, and Sora then explained that his mobile had run out of batteries and he didn't hear the message, but Wakka told him all about it at recess (traitor, Riku's mind screamed).

"Don't worry, you probably wouldn't have wanted to hear it anyway. It was very… vocal." Of all the adjectives in the world. Damn did he have no vocabulary.

"But it's always good to hear what you have to say." Sora said, "Because you don't ever say all that much, when you do say something it's important."

"Way to be subtle, calling me quiet." Riku grunted, and Sora laughed, resting a hand on Riku's shoulder.

"See what I mean?"

No. Riku couldn't see himself as anything past an antisocial loser with a strange haircolour and weird sense of humour, who was way too sappy for his age and gender and didn't deserve a best friend so kind; damn, it was practically given that Sora was forgiven even before he apologized.

Of course, Sora didn't know this, and was always weary of Riku's reactions to everything, so it was with renewed hesitance that he removed his hand from Riku's shoulder and asked, "do you ever want to, you know, sail away from here and have an adventure?"

"Sometimes," Riku admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets. "But then I remember that this is my home, and how other people have reacted when their family or friends left them. I wouldn't want to worry someone I care about like that."

"Well, obviously, you'd be coming back." It was that _you_ in the sentence that set off imaginary alarm bells in Riku's head. All Riku could think was he's gonna pull a Cloud, his mum will never be the same, why would he do that to her, can't he see she cares about him so much, even if it's the wrong way of expressing it, Riku would kill for that. Sora just throws it away like yesterday's nights sloppy stew.

"Sora, this is a purely hypothetical situation we're talking about, right? You wouldn't really-"

"I'm not sure what hypothetical means," Sora interrupted before Riku could start, "but Kairi and I were thinking of building a raft at the special island this summer and setting out to sea. We were gonna surprise you, but I guess I just can't keep a secret, yeah?" He winked. "This is my stop so gotta go, but I'd be happy to talk more if you wanna call me about it later."

Riku would, despite not wanting to.

Because he knew that the storm was coming.


	2. Chapter Two

A/N: Apologies for the plothole in this chapter regarding Riku being good at woodwork and a strange reference to Riku 'running around naked' the day before when it was actually like, the month before and only _half_-naked, walking home from Sora's house. *Facepalm*. Also, spelling/grammar mistakes, I know they're there somewhere... (Hey, I rhymed!)

* * *

More time passed: the rainy season ended and the sun began to creep back into the sky, Riku and Sora were allowed to hang out together again and Sora and Kairi's plans for a raft started to take form. Riku, who was usually just content to sit in his tree and stare off into space until someone tackled him, found himself loaded with such tedious tasks such as loading and preparing only the finest driftwood and climbing the extra tall trees looking for edible seagull eggs, like had nothing better to do.

Unlike his companions, Riku wasn't filled with delusions of grandeur. He knew that a no matter how buoyant the wood of a raft was, if it had holes, or unevenly distributed weight, it would sink: Riku highly doubted that he or his friends had the craftsmanship to manufacture a raft that wouldn't, having had no prior experience in carpentry or shipwright.

By that logic, should they be moving to set sail, the raft couldn't get very far off shore, let alone far enough for them to need food supplies to survive. There was a certain sadistic part inside of Riku that stopped him from explaining this to the others – really, like they'd understand anyway – and made him look forward to the day they'd try to leave, and fail. Or the day high tide came and stole the raft away, or the day when Sora admitted they'd have better luck getting somewhere in their separate little rowboat dinghies. Hey, maybe there'd be tears.

"What are you grinning about?" Kairi asked, leaning forward to examine him with her hands behind her back. She tilted her head to the side when Riku didn't reply, like seeing his face from a different angle would somehow reveal a hidden rationality of his expression.

Sora. His face appeared from behind and above Kairi's tilted back, and Riku silently regarded him. Now there was someone to smile about: expression ablaze, he put a finger to his lips before removing a slimy fish just caught for the raft trip out of his bucket and shoving it down the back of Kairi's top.

"Sora!" Kairi yelled, angry but unable to resist a smile. "You are _so_ dead."

"Come and get me."

Riku watched them play, sitting on the cement-rock shelf that separated the man made part of their island from natural beach. He could see Selphie over on the wooden shipwreck winding down from a swordsalshfightingslashskipping session with Tidus (was it just him or was something going on there?), about to come over and plonk down next to him to remiss. But Riku didn't think about her.

Riku thought about the dark.

He'd _been having_ a lot of_ these weird thoughts lately_, about darkness. Not fully intentional thoughts, _like_ he heard the word thrown around casually at the dinner table and it made him irrevocably think of all that black stuff, but from things that seemed utterly irrelevant like the weather in the paper or his mum talking on the phone about the latest in great grandfather_'s_ triple heart bypass. "Does_ any_ more _of this_ new information about Shinra turning up Mako reactors in Midgar sound plausible to you, dear?" his dad might be saying to his mum at the breakfast table one morning. Riku wouldn't understand a word, and he'd think: well, the local paper's always been a reliable source (understandable) though it's a shame to say-- and who cares if Shinra's killing the planet so long as the light's a little brighter in the slums of Midgar?

Later, Riku would google 'Shinra killing the planet' to find a list of activist sites and some old news about a group called Avalanche, and then he'd type 'Midgar slums light' and learn that the poorer area under Midgar's central plate was usually shrouded in constant darkness: but the light from a controversial Shinra last minute reactor blast to combat Meteor was reducing the dimness.

How could he know that, Riku wondered. His mind came up with reasonable enough solutions. It was all probably just a coincidence, stemming from workings of Riku's paranoid imagination. He'd heard the word subconsciously sometime ago and his mind was simple retelling a story his brain thought he'd forgot. There was no reason to kick up a mental fuss.

Yet it unnerved him. Sometimes he thought to the darkness that his was as if it wasn't his thoughts at all. Which was a scary thought to think, one that Riku tried not to think at all, but did. What made him think it? And then, what made anyone think anything?

Riku shook his head, and turned back to Selphie, greeting her with a monosyllabic grunt as she plopped down next to him. Tidus hovered beside her, unsure. Selphie smiled at him and patted the spot next to her. He sat.

They watched Sora and Kairi scramble in the sand for a bit longer, and struck by a sudden urge, Selphie threw her arms over Riku and Tidus' shoulders, in blatant disregards of Riku's personal bubble. He was touched though, especially at her following words:

"We've had some fun times together, you know. It'll be a shame to see you both go."

"Both?" Riku wondered aloud. Was Tidus going with them?

"Didn't Wakka tell you?" Duh, no. "Jecht's sending him off to the Balamn Gardens for the next year. I'm really jealous, I wanna' meet some Seeds too…! But I don't think Tidus should have to go if he doesn't want to. "

Riku heard the silence over the scramble of Sora and Kairi play-fighting.

It was unusual, he knew, for a 14 year old girl to call someone else's dad by first name. Selphie was an unusual person most of the time, like Riku himself, like Tidus, and while sometimes her antics heavily annoyed Riku other times they just seemed endearing.

"When?" Riku demanded.

"Tommorow." Tidus said thickly. "I was going to tell you this morning, but I thought it might ruin your trip."

Tidus looked up.

Screw amateur psychology, Riku thought vigorously. Was he _for real_? One of his best friends was leaving for a whole year (not that Riku'd ever see him again if this trip lasted as long as Sora hoped it would) and there he was worrying about stupid thoughts that weren't even his to worry about. That decided it, he decided, nothing was going to happen. Not on his island, not to anybody.

_Or not?_

He wouldn't let it.

Despite the fact that Riku had decided he wouldn't let anything at all bad happen to anyone, he wasn't a god and he didn't have the powers of one, so he couldn't exactly stop the darkened storm coming when it came. And oh did it come, in big gusty wisps of black-grey clouds, its thunder a cracking whip highlighted in a seemingly noiseless drizzle of constant pouring rain.

Riku was woken up later that night by one of these loud cracks, however metaphorically. He hadn't actually been in a sleep to wake up from, thanks to his insomnia—but the winding cracks of thunder told him there wouldn't be a chance in hell in getting to sleep now and he mose well take advantage of the time to get up and do something less boring.

So Riku got up and padded into the kitchen, made himself a bowl of two minute noodles and plopped down in front of the television, where some preposterously overdramatic soap played quietly. His half asleep brain wasn't really paying much attention to it, other for the light and the company. His gaze wandered, from it to the glowing alarm reading _01:23_ to his food to his window, where he could see small puddles growing outside.

He suddenly found himself wanting to go out there and get a closer look at them, to see the individual rain droplets smash into the growing puddles and the ferocious waves crash across the sand, the crunch of his mud-ridden sneakers against the ground as he sank his fingers into the earth, pulling out an invisible weapon from its murky depths as a wave of sheet lightning rolled across the sky, illuminating the dark side of his face...

Logic argued. He had no reason to go out there at this time of night, he'd get sick, he already had a bit of a sniffle from walking around nude the day before, and he, he, needed to finish eating his noodles, alright?

Not that he actually did. He rested them on the couch with a silent promise to come back to them later and an excuse of needing to use the back toilet. He hesitated before taking the house keys, internally debating their necessity, but giving up knowing he'd accidentally locked himself out of the house from smaller things.

When Riku got out the front, he didn't go around the back to the toilet like he told the noodles he would. Instead he wandered a bit down the road, through the park shortcut, and unto the wharf from which he and the others usually set sail to the special island. Riku'd saw this view of it so often on his walks home after school or coming back from a fun day at the island, but not once had he seen it look quite like this.

The sea looked angry. Strong winds made it s usually calm waters rage in uncharacteristically large waves that furiously battered the edge of the boardwalk and sent spray flying back in massive recoil, sand flew up and stung Riku's eyes, matted up in his hair. Riku's dinghy, held fast by a strong and sturdy rope, could've been tied to the deck with dental floss for all the good it did at keeping still and not filled with water as he bordered it, untied himself, and pushed himself out with the oar.

It was madness, the sea was saying to him, to be rowing just about anywhere weather conditions, though Riku madly thought it was the crazy one, trying to keep Riku from his destination on a night as darkly bright as this. Riku wasn't all that sure of what motive it had, going to these extremes to keep him away, and he wasn't that sure what motive _he_ had, trying to bypass it. Hadn't he and the sea always gotten on well? Hadn't he admired its beauty on still summer nights and appreciated the multitude of organisms it brought such life to, the various animals and plants and people? They weren't exactly fire and ice, the sea and Riku. Where had they gone wrong?

That voice, Riku realised. It was making him do this.

_Wrong_, it suddenly said in Riku's thoughts and Riku gave up all pretences of rowing to grip his head in shock and a little fear, simply because (shit, it'd never done that before) of the _wrong_ness it felt, hearing someone else's voice come out in his mind in his voice in the same way he subconsciously thought all his thoughts, with the same cynical boredom and teasing lilt.

_I didn't influence your decision or your determination to come here, because you're just too smart for your own good- you noticed my stray wonderings of Midgar, didn't you? I don't doubt you would've noticed any other subtle prompts, and then there would've been an internal struggle for you to see me banished._

Which meant that the voice wanted to stay in Riku's head, for reasons unknown. Riku wasn't sure how he felt about that : he hated sudden paranoia the thought of having someone else inside his head gave him, like darkness, and he hated the thought of maybe him being able to get rid of them and choosing not to. But it 'd been a minutely valuable source of information so far, if not largely undependable for questioning – why was it that the voice only chose to reply to his thoughts now, in the midst of chaos and confusion, when he needed his full concentration? –-perhaps sitting down and consulting the matter onshore first hand when waves weren't whisking him all about the water was a better idea.

Thus Riku set his mind to paddling, and somehow he managed to on-route himself to the dinghy to the special island's wharf and get the dinghies out of the grasps of the sea and onto the deck: he was soaked and shivering by the time they were all up there, but at least this way he had a sure fire method of getting back when the sea calmed.

Not that he thought that'd be any time soon, because although at some point or another it'd stopped raining, the sea was still raging and the wind seemed only to be getting stronger.

Riku thought of going and sleeping in the wind-free Secret Place like he planned earlier and then promptly rejected the idea, because yes, it might be windless but nobody could withstand the cold of a cave at night when they were soaked, hey, he'd probably have better luck sleeping in the mini-fridge cooler in the Big-Tree-House.

Which was promptly where he walked off to – The Big-Tree-House but not necessarily the cooler there –, having dragged himself down the dock and along the stone walkway, over the hut and onto sandy stone platform with the palm trees that bent in the wind. He was about to turn right, open the door to the tree-house, think 'why did I ever even bother coming here tonight, all I got was trouble'—except he smelled something.

Now, it's important to remember here that Riku was then a teenager more fine tuned into the world and it's workings than most, or that was his belief. Often he found he couldn't totally explain to others how he identified things, and how he associated some more finely tuned elements of the earth with supposedly unrelated others, (like the sea and the voice, who but him would ever guess?). He knew that the way his mind worked things out wasn't always entirely logical, and often had gaps, so he played down his slight psychotic tendency as a joke and dismissed the asker who poked into his unlikely general knowledge as over-inquisitive, couldn't a guy ever have a break from the questions once he'd fulfilled his word quota for the day?

But Riku couldn't lie to himself and he couldn't brush aside the sudden presence of a darkness that so quickly overwhelmed his senses. He turned to look at it and stupidly only expected to see only black, because it was so nightlife and _almost-dark_. he couldn't breathe. At once he knew somehow that this was what had tempted him from his room that evening, it was what kept the voice wanting to stay hidden in his mind. It, the storm and it's darkness was alluring, like sleep was alluring when he was so tired but for some reason still awake. Riku knew that he couldn't stand a chance against it and the voice when he was vulnerable here, alone in the darkness without his nightlight that kept him awake and kept him safe from the shadows darker than he remembered, that he had never felt threatened by before.

_Sora _A corner of his mind not yet consumed by the darkness desperately cried, _Where is Sora?_ Riku had always thought that his light would be there when he needed it the most but then here he was, it was gone and Riku was too scared to be disappointed, he couldn't trust the light and he couldn't trust the darkness, but there was no twilight to be seen in the eye of an ever darkening storm.

If he was in the eye, that was. With the darkness surrounding him, slowly converting his mind to dark, Riku's perception of reality was tampered with. His limbs were numb and his eyes weren't adjusting to the night around him properly anymore and when he turned his head the world blurred. Time was either slowing down or speeding up, he was on his special island with the Papau tree, there were yellow blinking spots in his vision that looked like the eyes of a small creatures, maybe if their bodies were impossibly as dark as the backdrop if black they could be real and Riku wouldn't be alone.

There was a yell that sounded like a voice but was probably just more thunder and a small _click_ inside of Riku's head and his focus was clear, he stood up, murmured a word to dry his clothes and he could hear Sora standing behind him breathless and the Voice was letting him see this, he was screaming at it and shoving at it in his mental confines in his mind, trying to yell out to warn Sora just to say something, anything, but his vocal chords weren't working for him and it was too much too soon, damn, he was such an idiot, if only he'd worked it out sooner they'd be safe in the light.

"Where's Kairi?" Sora demanded of the voice and the inner Riku was so frustrated. _Don't worry about her_, he was wanting to say._ As far as I know she's safe and sound at home. Save your fucking self._ "I thought she was with you!"

"The door has opened…" The voice said.

"What?" Sora was just as confused as Riku.

Riku's body half turned. The voice explained: "The door has opened, Sora! Now we can go to the outside world!" And it new just what to say to get Sora's attention.

"What are you talking about?" Sora cried. "We've gotta find Kairi!"

"Kairi's coming with us." A twinge of impatience inside the voice was easily masked: evidently it disliked the girl as much as Riku did. But just as Riku thought perhaps he could feel some sympathy towards the voice (a common enemy, maybe it wasn't doing this of its own will?) there came a few jerks from his inside chest-- an orb of darkness hovered affront of him, torn from some inside fabric of Riku. His mind? His heart? His soul?

Wherever it was from, it didn't look entirely harmless, and Riku watched its growing form with tredemption.

"Once we step through we might not be able to come back." The voice warned.

A portal?

_Not Sora_, Riku prayed, desperate, _no_.

"We may never see out parents again." Said the voice solemnly. "There's no turning back."

But there was, couldn't Sora see?

"We can't let fear stop us."

Couldn't he.

"I'm not afraid of the darkness!" The voice proclaimed and held out a hand.

Something inside Riku broke, then. He remembered times not long ago when he'd said the same thing, when Sora had refused to turn out the nightlight. He'd tacked on "are you?" but Sora had never replied, and Riku had only heard it quiet, hurt sobs later at night, when Sora thought he was asleep.

If the jibe against Kairi was the voice's attack against Sora then the jibe about the darkness was a final attack against Riku. He had to admit it hurt.

Like things couldn't get any worse, the dark portal started rising on its own up from the ground. Sora lost his balance within it, like he was standing in mud and to fall into it. He outstretched his own hand to grasp Riku's but he just couldn't reach. Too little, too late. He was leaning forward clawing for it, but the darkness was eating him away, and all Riku could do was watch and wait.

Sora was there one second, and gone the next.

It was a moment Riku would replay countless times in his mind later, with a hand over his eyes. He would remember falling to his knees a moment later, to stare and the stone sand they so often fought and trained on, the sea they'd swam in, the horizon they'd gazed at. He would sit there for what felt like hours, staring at nothing incapable of moving. One of the things with the yellow eyes would waddle up to him and place a limb on his leg and Riku would snap back to reality and lash out at it, unaware that he'd regained control of his body but unable to express his anger in any form but violence. He wanted to scream and he wanted to cry and he wanted to sleep but all he could do was swat at these dark creatures and think about Sora.

Riku's feet subconsciously carried him to the raft and as he looked at it, his fists curled in rage.

Riku'd known that Sora'd only come to the island that night to check on the raft (the sea had told him so, somehow), most likely on the worry that the raft had been swept away by the storm, that they wouldn't be able to go on an adventure the next day.

As the last remnants of the rain from the storm that'd passed and taken Riku's best friend with it poured from the sky, Riku snapped the mast of the raft. He unbound the ropes and ripped them into pieces with his hands, and threw each log out into the sea with all the power his arms possessed.

It was easy to blame Sora for his disappearance but it was even easier to blame the raft, an inanimate object that wouldn't move the finger of blame to the obvious. But destroying it didn't make him feel any better about Sora's disappearance, and it was something he regretted, walking along the cold sand, calling Sora's name. (Maybe the portal hadn't sent him and the voice far away, maybe he was just lying on the beach on the other side of the island.)

But Riku was cold and tired, and eventually, once he'd ascertained all the yellow-eyed creatures gone, he curled up at the entrance to the secret place, where a strange pink stood tall in his way.

For the second time in his life ever, Riku woke up on that island alone.

It was the harsh morning sun that'd awoken Riku— he'd automatically rolled away from it and outstretched a hand to close his blinds like he always did in the morning nowadays, when he realized that there were no blinds to close because he wasn't in his bed near the window, because he wasn't in the controlled lighting of his room.

He'd sat up reluctantly then, taking in his bright beach surroundings through angry squinted, eyes. What was he doing sleeping on the island _here_ of all places, why wasn't he at home ready to go to school? Had he and Sora decided to sleep over again? But no, Sora wouldn't leave him out here by himself without a blanket... Unless it was some sort of prank?

Riku doubted it, but that was the sort of mundane situation he expected, as he stood up and wiped the sleep out of his eyes that calm morning, stared at tracks in the ruffled sand and breathed in fresh morning air. It was still pretty early, he thought, just past sunrise, so he'd probably still have time to make it to school that day if he chose to.

And Riku thought he might: he was a little tired and weathered around the edges – he needed a stretch - but in an overall alright mood. Once he got home and got some breakfast into him, called Sora and small talked his parents he might consider it.

Riku was halfway to the docks when he remembered what had happened the night before.

Sora was gone.

Lost in a dark portal.

The voice had possessed him.

He'd done this to his best friend.

It was only self control Riku's head that stopped him from falling to his knees again – if he went down into the dark he might not be able to get back up – and the experience of already having gone through it once, his legs felt like jelly. His mind was red. Riku wasn't sure who he was angrier at, the voice for possessing him and attacking Sora or himself for letting it happen. Why hadn't he felt it sooner? Why didn't he do something about it the second he arrived at shore?

Because the voice'd directed his thoughts away from it, that's why, and because he'd been too chicken to risk doing anything that could possibly damage his brain. Sure, he could tell it to go away all he wanted, but the facts remained that the voice could be still _there_.

In this, Riku analogized the voice to the dark: it was familiar in a good sense until infused with light, Sora, and then only the strongest dark or strongest light could convert its greyscale darkness—Riku'd had his usual night lamp unplugged, so all he had left were his wits and his thick bed sheet.

But of course, without his senses, Riku couldn't truly tell if his dark was darkness until he tried to get to sleep.

So it was in this situation. Riku could bash his brain all he wanted to reassure whatever part of himself his sanity but he wouldn't actually be able to tell if he was for sure until the next situational equivalent drama-wise of the storm came along. And if he beat his head up too badly, Riku might not be there enough to stop the voice – why did he still call it a voice? If it had the ability to invade a person's head and take control of their movements, it was more than a voice, it was at least a presence – taking control at all, or he might survive and not've gotten rid of the voice at all.

But he would do this. If it stopped him from hurting anyone else he cared for then he would, even if it had him stuck in a hospital ward for the rest of his life.

Thus Riku, still reeling from the shock of last night's memories, shuffled over to his island and picked up his wooden training sword. He held it out parallel to the ground at eye level, and with sudden force, swung it around to meet his temple. At once he stumbled back from the force, seeing stars, but he quickly regained his footing and tightened his grip, hitting himself harder, and harder.

_You like this, voice?_ His thoughts sneered. No reply. Oh god, it hurt.

Riku realigned the sword with his head one last time, wincing: there was a red pain behind his eyes.

It faded to black, the next time he swung.

"-he's dead?"

"Don't... stupid. An.. stop poking..."

"..can poke him if I want to."

"'Ay, he's coming around."

Riku groaned and brought a hand to his hot throbbing, forehead. He opened his mouth to ask for water but his vocal chords were stiff and he ended saying "Sora?"

Wakka's worried face looked down to him. "Ya'allright, man?" Riku tried to sit up, only to be pressed back down by Wakka. "Hey hey hey, take it easy, ya. That was one hard bump to the head ya took there."

No kidding. Good Gaia, this headache was worse than the one from when Sora and he broke into his uncle's scotch stash.

"Wakka," he mumbled. "Sora... The raft..."

"Dun worry about it, alright? Just rest, ya're in gud hands. We got water here, an ice pack from the mini-fridge, and Selphie's gone off to tellan adult. So relax." How could he? Sora was... He'd tried to...

Taking a deep breath, Riku expelled the thought from his mind.

All he had to do now was wait.

Wait he did, staring at the BigTree House's ceiling while Wakka made meaningless small talk. Eventually, Selphie came back, armed with a worried looking Kairi and a fresh batch of clothes.

"Your pyjmas are all damp and funny-smelling." She explained, plopping the pile down on the floorboards next to him. "Didn't want you to get sicker, so I snuck into your bedroom and grabbed an extra pair. You have some lovely wall posters, by the way. Why were you sleeping outside in the rain in only pyjamas?"

"Did anyone ever tell you you desperately lack tact, Selphie..." Kairi mumbled, with a face palm.

"Only you," she smiled to the red-headed girl, and then turned back to Riku. "No, really, why were you?"

Well, this was new. Riku didn't exactly want to lie to his friends, but he couldn't very well tell them the truth. Couldn't he just picture it now? 'Selphie, ' he imagined himself saying, 'the reason I slept outside in the rain is because I was in bed when I saw the storm and I just thought it'd be a nice time to go for a walk: so I did, all the way to the island, and then I was embodied by darkness and likely killed Sora and tried to kill myself. For realz.' Yeah, right. They'd think he was mad. Really, _he_ thought he was mad, they'd probably think him Hitler and lock him in Bedlam for the rest of his life.

So, thinking quickly, he lied.

"Me and Sora were sleeping over the island last night, before the storm came, as a sort of celebration of being friends-again thing, because we had that fight awhile ago, remember, and after that I don't think either of us wanted to let the other to drift apart. But that afternoon, Sora got particularly adamant about taking the raft then and going, for some reason, and no matter how I tried to talk him out of it, say I could see the storm coming and we couldn't sail in this weather, we couldn't go without our supplies, the tide was too high, he wouldn't listen to reason. When later that night I blatantly refused to go without you Kairi, he got angry. Real angry. Wakka, you've met his mum, you know how Strifes get when they get angry." Wakka nodded. "He took it too far and knocked me out. When I woke up..." He spread his hands. _This_.

"The raft was gone." Selphie mused.

"He probably left without me." Riku acknowledged.

There was a silence. Wakka was the first to speak, "ya man, I think that's most I ever heard you say. I'd be all congrats and stuff if it wasn't so freaking depressing."

Which seemed to lighten the mood, for some reason. Kairi and Selphie started into a conversation about where Sora must've gotten to by now and when he'd be coming back while Riku drew invisible hearts in the air between Wakka and Kairi with his fingertips (he was allowed to sit up by this point), getting into a silent argument with the other boy about their likeliness to Romeo and Juliet and whether or not they were dating.

Then Wakka checked his watch and remarked that he had to go because he didn't want to be late for school, and the atmosphere broke. Selphie decided that she would go back home to update her mum about Riku's happenings and reassure her that everything would be completely fine and there was no need to worry

"You look after him." Selphie told Kairi with a smile, then turned to Riku with a warning glare. "No leaving this room, you got that?"

"Loud and clear," Riku murmured. Kairi nodded at the younger girl, and Selphie disappeared down the stairwell, waggling her finger at him.

There came a slam of the downstairs door. Riku and Kairi looked at each other.

"Wanna go pay Tidus a visit?" She asked, "Maybe we can catch him before he leaves for the airport."

The idea'd totally skipped Riku's mind, but Cetra, goddess and planet, he was sure _anything_ would be better than just sitting there, staring into space.

Apparently Kairi thought so to, because without waiting for an answer, she pulled him up out of the blanket, shaking his hand impatiently as he shoved a hoodie over his pajama top and stuffed the rest of his clothes in his backpack, throwing it over his shoulder.

But she smiled when he looked at her, poked out his tongue and said: "Let's roll~" like some wannabe out of some 90'S B-grade gangsta flick.

Kairi and Riku shared a rowboat back to the main island, but Riku was quick to admit he was doing most of the paddling. Kairi had that faraway look in her eyes that meant she was thinking about Sora: she seemed to've lost the majority of her enthusiasm for visiting Tidus by the time they reached shore. "Selphie'll worry you're gone too..." She supplied.

Riku shrugged, looking at the horizon. "Nice view." He noted.

"It's always nice." But Kairi dragged her eyes to the sea anyway, and her gaze caught something in the water that set Riku's nerves on edge. "Is that—are those the logs from the raft?" She quickly scrambled to the edge of the wharf for a closer look, and Riku trailed behind, already knowing the answer. "It could just be driftwood, but I've got a feeling... Help me untie the dinghy again, Riku? Planet only knows how you manage to knot the rope so tight."

With the ease of experience, Riku untied the rope and set it up so Kairi could get back in. She did, with a bit of a wobble, and Riku passed her a paddle to row. She actually did this time, surprisingly well, reaching the wood to examine it without the slightest wrong turn or large splash. Riku told himself it was because the sea was calm, disliking the idea that someone else could have a more finely-tuned relationship with the elements than he. (Perhaps it was only the water, though: Riku recalled an old conversation with Sora in which he learnt that Kairi's name was Latin for ocean.)

Kairi turned around and paddled back to the wharf. She hugged the dripping piece of timber to chest, protectively and her face was worried as got up from the rowboat.

"It's from the raft, alright." She said. "I'd recognise your beautiful carpentry and sandpaper job anywhere." Riku might've blushed at that, had he not long ago accepted the generally well regarded fact of the majority of the islands knowing he had somewhat of a natural talent for woodwork: he'd aced the majority of his assignments for it and picked it as his two-year elective course.

"What do you think it means?" Riku asked, slyly.

"I don't know," Kairi said, biting her lip. "I just hope Sora's okay and gets home soon."

Well, if that just didn't play into Riku's hands perfectly. When Sora had missing long enough for people to expect something serious'd happened to him, the natural assumption would be that the raft was built badly and Sora picked a bad time to set sail; the storm would've had the sea raging, he wouldn't have been able to steer properly. He might've crashed into a rock and became stranded, or capsized and drowned, leaving the raft to an easy wreck. It wouldn't be the first time it'd happened on the islands.

"Mmm," Riku hummed. "Hey, you still want to go to Tidus' house?"

She looked at him "Of course. We didn't say goodbye really at all yesterday, and the announcement was sudden, meaning we didn't get time to prepare a going away party. So we gotta see him off properly now."

Riku knew that chances were Tidus was most likely already at the airport, checking his bags in, they'd never make it in time.

"I've been wondering," he started, "how about you go to his house and ring the doorbell see if he's home, and I go to Sora's place and talk to his mum about him, then ask for a ride to the airport to see if Tidus is there, kill two birds with one stone." Kairi opened her mouth to interrupt, most likely thinking about what he'd said to Wakka not an hour earlier about Sora's mum having a temper, but Riku quickly interrupted, "Now I know what you're thinking, and I wasn't exaggerating before, she is like Sora when angered, but I'm sure you know that Sora isn't always like that, she's isn't necessarily either." Blatant lie, there: truthfully Riku was just telling her what she wanted to hear, privately assuming a different reaction from the blonde-haired Strife. "Once you've reached Tidus' house and figured out if he's there or not, text me on my mobile. If he's not there, I'll ask Sora's mum for the ride to the airport so I can pass on your goodbye and say my own, and you can go back to the island and talk to Selphie. If Tidus hasn't actually left the house yet and you've managed to track him down, I won't ask for the car ride, just walk back, so we can both say our goodbyes in person and sneak into his suitcase to go with him, or replace the real him with a dummy and hide him in his dresser for the rest of the day." (If Sora was here, Riku knew he'd smile and crack a joke about Riku being stuck in the closet.) "Sound good?"

"There's a lot of ifs." Kairi still looked a little uncertain, biting her lip as she gazed up unto his face, looking anyplace but his eyes. But he didn't look away from Kairi's own, putting his hands on her shoulders in a gesture that to him seemed more desperate than confidently reassuring.

"Trust me, Kairi." Riku said, "It'll work."

"It'd better." She shot back, managing a weak grin.

They sorted out the details of Kairi contacting Riku, and parted ways.

About five minutes later, Riku stood in front of Sora's place, panting. He hadn't wanted to waste time, so he'd ran there, but he hadn't fully know the way, so it'd taken longer than he'd expected, and now he had to take the time to catch his breath again, which annoyed him. Why had he ever stopped his daily jog in the mornings? He was getting so unfit. (Stupid Sora, distracting him from his physical wellbeing...)

Riku rang the doorbell with these thoughts in his head, so he might've looked mildly annoyed as the door opened too quickly and Mrs. Strife's head poked out. But her face looked worried, and her immediate thought was for "Sora?": Riku immediately changed his demeanour.

"No ma'am." He replied, "but you haven't seen him by any chance, have you?"

"Not since last night," She chattered, and an odd look came about her face. "I came home late and dinner was a bit later than usual that ngiht, I'd just finished making it for him, and I called him downstairs so he could eat it, but when he came down he told me he wasn't hungry. He was yelling something urgent about a raft and needing to save it and when I told him it was too late and the weather was too bad, probably would've destroyed it by now – I'd never believed that raft could go far at his hands, anyway – but all in a panic he said he wasn't hungry and sped out the door, not even telling me how long he would be gone, which is strange. Even if we're fighting he tells me how long he'll be gone and where, so I don't worry."

Woah, information overload much? "I see. Can I come in?"

Sora's mum started, as if she hadn't realised her impoliteness. "Go ahead." She allowed.

Riku entered, and hesitated, unsure at where to sit or if just to stand, when he decided that at their dining table was impersonal enough. He drew a chair and Mrs. Strife moved to the kitchen, turning on the kettle. "Id there anything you'd like to drink? Tea, juice, hot chocolate?"

"Tea sounds fine thanks," Stuttered Riku, struck by the unusual kindness.

Mrs. Strife prepared the drinks while Riku started at his hands, starting to feel a bit guilty for calling her a bitch so many times in his head over the years. Maybe she had a sensitive side, but only let it show when she wasn't herself? Maybe she had that characteristic mentioned in the Series of Unfortunate Events books he was reading for English, the one when they said a lot of unlikely things and acted weirdly when they panicked?

Oblivious to Riku's inner turmoil, Mrs. Strife set the tea and what Riku presumed to be her own strong coffee on the table, and started conversation again. "So I presume by what you said earlier that you haven't seen him either?"

"The last time I saw him was last night," Riku replied, "at the islands." He took a sip of his tea to stall for time, unsure of whether to confide in her or not. On one hand, she wasn't as dumb as Wakka and Selphie, and might see through any reassuring excuse he threw at her. On the other hand, this worrying niceness could just be a charade to make him tell the truth, and then spout an estranged version of it to the rest of the islands .

But he knew he'd told enough lies that day, so once he swallowed his tea he muted the conclusions the evil Mrs. Strife in his head would be throwing at him and said, "I wasn't there for the raft, unlike Sora, but something else. I'm not sure I can explain what that something else is, to you, really; I've tried with others and they've never understood, not completely.  
" She nodded. "The most I can say is that something not to do with Sora brought me there and when he showed up I wasn't at all myself. I felt possessed, maybe a little mad, which is something I'm dealing with personally, but when I talked to him I wasn't quite there in the head, and somehow ended up summoning a dark portal that he fell into. I don't know how to recreate it, how to follow him there, trust me I would if I could, anything to get him back, but even if I knew how I have only a vague idea of where he ended up, and have already made plans to go there myself." What? When had he decided that? "I- I would prefer if you don't tell my parents. I don't think they'd understand."

"I see." The only thing Mrs. Strife threw was Riku's own words back at him, intentionally or no he couldn't tell.

There was a brief silence, until Mrs. Strife spoke again.

"You're a very mysterious boy, Riku, in some ways you remind me of one of my own children—not Sora, and Roxas was always more of a follower than anything else, but maybe a younger, more open version of Cloud." A pause. "I know there are a lot of rumours amongst you younger kids about Cloud: that in his younger years he was spoilt and arrogant, that he didn't love anyone, that he had a death list because planet forgive he was a cold-blooded murderer," a laugh, "but let me tell you, that wasn't the case at all. Sure Cloud didn't get on very well with some of the kids his own age, and he had a unique perspective of looking at things sometimes, but he had a good reason to go to Midgar and sure, I didn't like the idea of him leaving us, but I understood it. What I never understood was why Roxas ran away: he was so young, not young enough to make that decision all by himself and I'm always afraid he might've been taken against his will or forced into going. Unlike Cloud, he had friends, ones that Sora must've been slightly aqquainted with, but they weren't ones I ever approved of, despite having his best intentions at heart." She let out a breath, "I approved of Sora's friends, and you, before Roxas left us, but I think him going must've changed my perspective. I didn't want anything to happened to Sora, didn't want to be left by myself, so I became possessive. Sometimes unfairly so, I see now."

A single tear rolled down her left cheek.

"I've been far too harsh on you, Riku." She said. "I'll understand if you don't forgive me-"

Riku immediately protested to the otherwise.

"-but I think you understand now why I can seem at times. Are—is there anything I can do to repay you? Anything at all?"

Riku's first thought was to shake his head, thank her anyway for the offer, pat her on the back and leave, but then he remembered the car ride. He was about to open his mouth and when he also remembered that Sora's mum didn't have a car, preferring like most to walk to places everywhere.

Then his mind struck shallow gold and he found himself asking without ever intending to: "Is it true that Cloud owned a motorbike?"


	3. Chapter Three

Only minutes later Riku was speeding down the midday practically trafficless highway, separating the two Destiny Islands from one another, feeling the wind on his face and hearing it's whooshing roar over the engine. Maybe it'd be a bit nicer if he had goggles or sunglasses or something to keep hair and dirt out of his eyes, or at least a helmet to protect his head if he crashed – not likely with Riku's experience, but still, better safe than sorry, what did Cloud think he was above the law? – and maybe if he wasn't worrying about why the heck Kairi hadn't called him yet and doubting his decision to still go farewell Tidus, but otherwise? It was cool. He had a smirk on his face and Cloud's leather jacket pulling against his skin as he made the short switch from third gear to fourth, a familiar action: he wasn't isolated from the world whooshing past like with the darkness but merely more defined in it, hypersensitive to his local environment but detached enough to admire the beauty of the glistening water on the horizon or the lines of palm trees quickly approaching, the stroked intersection markings on the roadside behind him melting into one solid line in his peripheral vision: gaia, he could get used to this.

Something he didn't think he could get used to was the Sora's presence absent from the defining moment-- he'd always been there to share a time with even if they were fighting, even if it was a bad one and Riku was ignoring him and telling him to go away, he was always there. Maybe the reality of him being gone just hadn't sunk in yet, because Riku still felt as if he should be there, cheering from the sidelines and running along the road beside him, waving, or whooping with glee as he doubled on the bike with him, arms wrapped around Riku's waist.

Not that he wanted this thing any heavier, hell no. It'd taken four tries to start up, two stalls and although it had wicked acceleration and stability to kill for, he'd grown up riding his uncle's odd and old assortment of Yamaha dirt bikes, and the controls for the gas were still a bit iffy to him.

So he had to doubly remind himself to add the right handbrake to the halted clutch when he slowed at the lights, and not to release it too early as he accelerated to turn, leaning to the left. The airport wasn't too far from here, just a couple of hundred metres, a downwards ramp, two left turns, and a right-down one he knew he would ace.

Well he thought he would anyway. On actually attempting the quick manuvre he skidded, and panicking, reached for the brake in the wrong spot, to find it somewhere else just too late.

Luckily, Riku's fall was broken by a conveniently placed sidewalk bush, and he only blacked out for a second, but unfortunately the bike wasn't so lucky. It'd flipped onto its side and scraped its way to the other side of the road. Groaning, Riku picked himself up and stumbled over to it to assess the damage, thinking about how bad it would be for some big fuel truck or whatever to come rolling down the road just about now. For whatever karmaric reason it didn't, but Riku decided that maybe making the rest of the way on foot was a good idea, and that he should probably stick the bike in the bushes so nobody stole it (it looked pretty expensive, the car park was too obvious and he didn't have a chain to tie it up with in case someone tried anyway.)

Once he'd done this, Riku started walking over to the carpark, trying not to look suspicious with his hands shoved in his pockets, and his eyes staring down the pathway, a slight limp the only foresight to his recent motorbike accident. He'd gotten changed behind a tree before he went to Sora's place so at least he wasn't wearing his pyjamas as he walked into the airport, but the white hair was pretty personally identifying, and cutting the line to shuffle to the start of the check in line – he couldn't waste anymore time – did attract him some negative attention.

"Sorry," he started, and the check in chick looked up, eyes quickly jumping from him to the grumbling customer behind him. "I don't have any baggage with me to hand in, since I've handed it in already, but I wanted to know if you could tell me my flight terminal, I kind of forgot." He scratched his head for added embarrassed nice guy effect.

"May I see your ticket?" She asked, all smiles.

Shit.

"I uhh, don't have one... " Think quick, think quick. But keep it simple? "My friend was holding on to it for me when I got lunch, since he knows I have trouble remembering things sometimes and I think he went off the terminal with it and told me to meet him there when I was done, but then I forgot--"

"What's your name, kid?" She interrupted.

"R- Tidus," He said, most likely his dumbest introduction ever.

"Last name,"

Riku tried to think. What was Tidus' last name? "Umm," Dude, he played this role way too well it was worrying. He really couldn't remember. "Smith. I'm Tidus Smith."

"Where you going?"

"The gardens." At least he knew that for sure.

The baggage chick gave him an odd look as she typed it into her computer and read out the flight details, and then with a straight face added, "In future, Mr. Smith, please just check the flight timetable on the wall to your right for information regarding you departure, it wastes less time. NEXT!"

Riku jumped a little, then quickly recovered, giving her the mental finger and a mutter about something else being a waste of time as he continued on and past the metal detector drug thing, (had to take of his belt and wait for it to come through, which took forever) and past the shops to the terminal hall: Tidus' flight was at gate 23 at the other end of the airport building, and Riku had to run down as fast as he could but it could've been faster but it wasn't because the Destiny Islands Council was too cheap to buy travelators.

"_Flight 102, Destiny Capital to Balamb Gardens now boarding_." A loudspeaker announced.

Which prompted Riku to increase his run to a sprint, almost missing the gate in his haste. When he did reach it the waiting room was all but empty except for a receptionist at a desk, arguing with someone on a phone so avidly: she didn't notice as Riku zoomed past, tripping down the air bridge in his haste.

"Tidus!" he yelled, spotting a short yellow head in a sea of tall brown ones.

"Oh my god Tidus, I can't believe I finally find you." Riku was gasping, a hand on the guy's shoulder.

Tidus wasn't paying attention.

"But I'm thirteen!" He was hotly protesting to a sympathetic-looking flight attendant. "My father paid for this flight and everything in it, you can't stop me from going on that plane, not when he trusted me to be able to get on it by myself without any problems, I--"

"We're so sorry for any trouble we may have caused, but parental supervision is required for boarders younger than 14 years of age on boarding. Since you do not have a parent you are not liable to attend this flight."

"I have a caregiver," Tidus gasped—"Ri, Riku. He's over eighteen, aren't you Riku?" Play along, his eyes urged.

"Yeah," Riku agreed, lowering his voice. Knowing his luck it'd crack mid-sentence. "I uh, have my driver's licence on me if you want to see it." Well, he had a identification on someone who was actually him at home on his bed, so _technically_...

"That's not necessary ," She replied, like Riku knew she would. "as it seems Tidus will not be boarding this flight. I've called the co-pilot and he has informed the pilot of one less passenger and your flight has been rescheduled to 2am tomorrow, should an of age relative wish to accompany you."

"Call him back!" Tidus yelled, and throwing her against the wall and bringing up his fists . "Tell him that I'm getting on that plane now an only or else."

"Tidus!" Riku pulled him away from the woman and looked him hard in the eyes. "Remember what we promised Wakka."

"Screw that, what's the point of training if you can't use it when you need it?"

"But you didn't need to do that, Tidus. It wasn't in self defence and it wasn't justifiable."

"It was justifiable, in that if my ass isn't on that jet this minute then even self-defence wouldn't stop me from having it served on a platter later by Jecht."

"Boys!" The flight attendant interrupted, furious, then as security and orange-suit workers started coming back up the hallway from the plane, smiling-- "If you would move your conversation to outside this hallway, please?"

"Is there any trouble here?" One of the security guards asked her, and she smiled again, one of those polite smiles you can turn on and off.

"No. Mister Smith and his companion arrived at the wrong flight dock, and were about to board the wrong plane. But I think they know where should be now: they were just leaving."

"We were just--- how --what, Riku?" Said islander's face had been a nonchalant mask, hiding the passionate anger that only made itself reapparent once they'd booted themselves out of the airport.

"That fucking check in lady," Riku was then ranting, walking again along the roadside pavement "I just wanted to find where you got off, that's all, because I wanted to say goodbye to you before you left. But the chick at the dock knew my last name I made up when I was pretending to be you so the other chick must've called her through that other girl who was yelling on the phone, or just directly, and made assumptions that I was going to get a free plane ride or whatever and that you were in on it and they should stop us in case we tried and that you were in on it and they should stop us in case we tried anything onboard."

"I lost you at 'I'." Tidus admitted, biting his lip. His carryon bag was thrown over his shoulder and he looked sad, almost guilty for some reason. "But if you hadn't shown up then I would've been allowed to go on the trip, that's what you're saying right?"

"Essentially, yeah..." Riku realised. He wanted to rant some more, but after that statement, the only person he could really rant about was himself.

"I shouldn't have told you yesterday night that I was going, you wouldn't have wanted to say goodbye so suddenly." Tidus started, "I shouldn't have told Selphie I didn't want to go, because then she wouldn't have worried you about it, and you would've never doubly felt the need to come, and I shouldn't have gotten too close to Selphie, because then Jecht would've never've picked up on the weakness and tried to take it away from me, or me from it---"

"Hey, hey hey," Riku stopped him. "You couldn't have predicted any of those things. If I were to give you my list of should haves and if onlys it would be miles long and you would be more than a little regretful for asking for it, but that's not I think people should focus on in life. Because even if we did that thing right then we would always be asking what happened if we did the wrong thing, and because even a wrong thing can turn out to have an upside. Like, your friendship with Selphie has gotten you away from Jecht, and has helped you understand that how he treats you isn't right and that's not the way you personally should treat others."

"That was'll good when I needed help understanding, but what's there to understand now?" Tidus said. He'd stopped walking, "We're stuck in the middle of nowhere and we can't go back to my house because my dad'll kill me and we can't go to your house because it's locked and empty and we can't go to the mini-island because it's too far away. If we walked we'd be spotted and driven back home and then in even more trouble, there's no upside. What are we supposed to do?"

Talk about pessimistic. Riku tried to think of something that would make Tidus think happily again. And then, with sudden epiphany, he paused at the bushes with the motorbike, and wheeled it back into plain view.

"Let's run away together."

"Wh-What?" Tidus had taken a few steps back. "The hell, man?"

Riku coloured instantly. "Not like _that_." Reflecting, he had worded that a little badly. "As friends, I mean, we could take advantage of this opportunity to get out of the hole that is the islands and see some real country, look for Sora."

"Oh," Tidus said, looking at him, and then the motorbike. "You're going on that?"

"We both are, if you're coming."

"She's pretty fine."

"Mmm."

"Can I take a walk to think about it?" Tidus asked, and Riku nodded. He himself sat down the pavement, knowing the younger boy would take a while at the least.

Flashback time.

_Riku remembered that Mrs. Strife didn't react nearly so badly when he'd mentioned leaving the islands to find Sora, but maybe that was just because Riku hadn't up front asked her to come with them at the time. At Riku's earlier question about the motorcycle, she'd only said, "Yes. I have it in the basement if you'd like to see it."_

_So he had. And he acquainted to it a little, noting immediately the lack of weld joints on the frame – handmade, it had to be – the expandable narrow compartments along the side, the dim headlights and the oddly proportioned front wheel. As Riku brushed aside the cobwebs in the front mirror he gulped, seeing the speedometer. The bike's top speed was 400kmoh (250mph). Shit. Cloud definitely had a need for speed._

"_Please take it."_

_Riku'd jumped, almost having forgotten she was there. "You- you can't be serious miss, this thing must cost tens of thousands, you couldn't just give it to me. What if I trashed it? I mean, is it even insured? Aren't- isn't there meant to be a contract for this sort of thing?"_

"_I don't know, but Cloud did, and if he was here to give it away, he'd want you to have it." Mrs. Strife insisted, spreading her hands. "I want you to have it, I know there'd be no better owner. And what good is it here, but for growing rusty and scaring the milkman? My head knows Cloud's not coming back, but seeing old Fenrir leaning against the wall from the upstairs every morning tells my heart otherwise. I keep expecting to go down there and see my boy cramped under its silver hide, tinkering with some pipe or another, concentration set hard on his dirt-streaked face... Yes, I think it'd be better if you take it out of my hands."_

_Touched, Riku admitted his plans to leave the islands and find Sora to her, said if she didn't change his mind he might go on the bike. She didn't looked shocked exactly, but something in her face changed, thankfully not to the sadness and melancholy that had brought her to tears earlier._

"_You do that," She said, and Riku stared._

So that was the end of it. They'd pumped the tires, replaced the oil and water – wisely deciding not to touch the gas tank- and wheeled it out of the house into the backyard. Riku gave it a test run going up and down the driveway, then with an elated yell of goodbye, left. It was almost too easy for him to believe. Of course something had to go wrong and did, with the crash, then with Tidus's flight. But, in reflection, things could have gone a lot worse. He could have run out of gas and become stranded. Tidus could have already left on his flight. The aeroplane chicks could have suspended him from ever returning or called up their parents or school.

They might've already, now he came to think about it.

As he dwelled on the likeliness of this prospect, staring up into the big blue sky and wondering towards its worth, Tidus reapproached him. Riku knew Tidus was there, leaning over him, and Riku knew that Tidus knew it too, because his shadow covered the entirety of the older boy. Yet he didn't stand up or even look in his direction, in a silent fear of confronting the issue of Tidus saying no all too quickly.

"Hey," Tidus said quietly, sitting down on the pavement next to him.

"Hi," Riku allowed.

"You know, I've thought about it for awhile, and I think I've come to a decision."

"What's that?"

"I'm coming with you."

Riku tried not to sound too hopeful, asking: "Really?"

"On one condition--" Riku visibly drooped. "—once we find Sora, we come back home."

_Too easy_. And here Riku thought the kid was actually being serious for a change. Riku laughed, fluffing Tidus's hair, "I was gonna do that anyway, man. Why would I wanna be stuck out in the middle of nowhere with two losers like you and Sora anyway?"

"I'm serious." Tidus said, batting Riku's hand away. "In the circumstance we find him, willing to come back to the island or no, dead or alive, whatever, we go back to Destiny. With or without him."

"Well," Riku said, after a moment of silence, "I don't know about you, but I'm much preferring the idea of with. And I'd like to see that as soon as possible, so you want to get ready to head off, then?"

"'Kay."

They mightn't've had Sora there for a quick fix for the darkness, but they had Fenrir, their wits and a common goal in mind, which was all that really mattered.

Fenrir wasn't always an ultimate solution, however, and as though they'd never heard the name before in their lives, Riku and Tidus strolled down Riku's street with their hands in their pockets, commenting to the weather.

"Why Riku," A neighbour out presently watering her petunias commented, "you're looking extraordinarily innocent today. Who's the friend?"

"Tidus, ma'am," The blonde offered, all smiles, and Riku smirked a knowing smirk. If only she knew.

"Well, have fun then." She called, and Riku and Tidus rounded the corner of his gate ("ladies first," Riku insisted, to a glare) and promptly knocked three times loudly on the front door then hid behind a large cactus.

Almost two minutes later, Riku's dad answered the door, dressed in only sweatpants, rubbing his eyes looking up and down the street accusingly. Seeing no one, he muttered "stupid kids," shut the door, and presumably went back to falling asleep in front of the T.V.

Which gave Riku and Tidus the perfect opportunity to get into the house without a key, and perfect noisiness to creep down the hallway floorboards as the volume got maxed up so best to ignore any future games of knock-and-run.

Repeating an urgent "Shit shit shit," whilst chuckling in a manlyish way – it was not excited giggling, as Tidus would later exaggerate – the pair entered Riku's room, and fell into gales laughing on the bed in relative unworry. (For the short period of time Riku played the guitar, he'd managed to soundproof the walls with box after box of egg cartons that he found in the shed that his mum was always telling his dad to throw out but for some reason, probably laziness, never did herself.)

"I can't believe we got away with it." Tidus was gasping, "He was looking _right_ at me, I could feel it, and there was this cactus thorn ticking my nose and I swear if he'd stayed like one second longer, I would've sneezed or laughed or something, no thanks to _you_, why were you pulling that stupid face at him, it looked as if you were about to shoot somebody."

"I know, right?"

Quickly the snickers died away and more serious matters came to be addressed, such as whether to bring Riku's favourite leather yellow jacket or his more practical wooden scarf, what foods they could divulge from Tidus's carryon bag now and what they would have to sneak from the kitchen now to give them an edge over the hunger later and which they would save for the trip.

"This is so confusing," Tidus was complaining, falling back on Riku's bed with an plop and a weary sigh. "Tell me again why we have to be all sneaky-sneaky inside your house."

"Because my dad's home," Riku explained, "Because he'll suspicious about me being home so early and because the school will've called him about my truanting today."

"I get that, but why couldn't I have just knocked on the door have gone in by myself? I could've said I had homework to give you, or something."

Riku flushed. "Ahh well, my parents have noticed that I tend to keep to myself sometimes..."

"Understatement." Tidus snorted. "You're a complete introvert, admit it."

"Why Tidus, I'm surprised you know such a big word."

"Hanging around you has to be good for something."

"Yeah," Riku cleared his throat. "Anyway, they noticed that Sora and all my friends from school and you are mainly guys, and I didn't very much like any girls at school except from school except Kairi and of course, she's like a sister to me I've known her so long I don't like her in that way. So somehow my dad assumed from that that I'm gay, and of course I wouldn't care about that at all since I'm not gay but if you came over my house he'd make even more assumptions, I know, and I wouldn't want to expose you to that kind of wrath."

"Aww," Tidus mocked, pulling him into a headlock. "How sweet, you were worried about me, lil' Rik Riks?"

Riku shoved him away. "No," he denied, "I was worried about my dad, and what you'd do to him."

Tidus was having none of that. "But it's so cute! You going gay for me, trying to trick your daddykins, Riku, I would've never thought you the type."

"Stop it," Riku's face was aflame. "Remember, we need to figure out where to put all this food we're collecting, before we put it in our stomachs."

"Maybe in the side compartments?" Tidus offered, and let it drop.

Once they'd eaten an irrelevant amount of unhealthy snacks and escaped from Riku's house to where the motorbike was hidden in the park that was the shortcut someplace down the street, they set off again, this time with a backpack each, altogether containing two wallets, two sleeping bags, two bottles of water, twenty packets of potato chips, their toothbrushes, a torch and a spare pair of clothes. They set off to the large ship wharf on the south-easterly side of the island, one of many, planning to stowaway on one of the more vacant ones with Fenrir

Tidus's opinion on it was merely: "I still think we should hijack a cruise liner."

"Not happening."

A few minutes later:

"Is the coast clear yet?" Tidus held the motorbike straight on the sand under the wharf, while Riku stood on the seat, peering up through the cracks in the floorboards.

"Looks like it, though I can't tell for sure." Riku jumped down. "Let's bring Fenrir up now, and we can—"

"Who's Fenrir?" Tidus interrupted.

Riku gave him an odd look. "You know, Fenrir." A look that clearly said 'no I don't know.' "The motorbike."

"Oh." Tidus said. "I didn't know she had a name. Nice one, too. Latin, right? Did you give it to her yourself?"

"No, it was already there when I got it..." He vaguely recalled running his fingers over its engraved script on the motorcycle's engine when he first inspected it, but as he looked now? Nothing. Weird. "Let's go up. We've wasted enough time."

So they quickly wheeled Cloud's motorcycle up onto the dock and unto the ship, finding a disused side compartment full of boxes down the starboard side and promptly getting in and locking it. Riku was just starting to remark upon how everything was going unusually according to plan when he rounded the room corner to find an on patrol guard slacking off asleep five inches from his face, whisky in hand.

"Hey Riku, why'd everything just go all—oh."

"Yeah, that's oh alright," Riku whispered, "But we should be _just fine_ so long as we back off slowly and don't. Make. A. Sound."

They walked back with their breaths caught and their elbows not knocking the fine china – this was one of the ship's cabin's kitchens, Riku later discovered – and only as Riku was about to let out a sigh for breath and grab Fenrir to move out, his phone rang.

Unfortunately for Riku, his ringtone was an eir-peircingly noisy techno ditty and they were in a small room, his pants were thin and didn't completely muffle vibrations that sent his entire leg shaking and woke up the guard.

"What—where? Kids? What the hell are you doing in my—"

"We're sorry we're sorry, my father was-"

But unfortunately Riku never discovered what Tidus's father was and what the hell they were doing in where, because before he could learn his fist had shot back and slammed into the guard's temple, triggering a great crack that echoed throughout the cabin louder than even his cellphone's ringing.

Tidus was shocked into a silence that he soon overcome, the chatterbox.

"My god Riku, the fuck? Why did you-- What was that meant to be about? That crack didn't sound healthy, knocking out an innocent with a punch like that? And, and coming from you, you who could argue your way out of a brick wall? The hell was that for, man?-"

Riku didn't reply. No one could ever accuse him of panicking in a tight situation but his eyes still hadn't moved from the space in air where the guard's head had previously sat.

"Are you even listening?" Riku only barely perceived Tidus throwing him against the kitchen wall in an echo of his own movements at the airport, his gaze unfocused and mind trudging with sudden weight of thought. "Do you have no eyes? The guy's fat, and old and—"

Riku didn't make habit of overestimating people: he'd been lucky, with that punch. The guard was large and likely trained in self-defence, they had speed on their hands but if he hadn't managed to catch him off gaurd, if he'd aimed just one centimetre lower...

Tidus shook his shoulders, harshly. "Listen to me, Riku! That was hardly necessary and _so_ not administered in self defence or punishment. You broke our group's promise just then seemingly for no good reason and I want you to tell me _why_."

Something darkish inside of Riku wanted him to laugh at that demand and a brief chuckle did escape his lips, as he easily exchanged the balance of weight to have the younger boy pinned against the opposite wall by his throat, feet dangling in the air.

Tidus gasped. "Let go, Riku you're hurting me—"

"First," he breathed, taking his time, enjoying it. "You can want a lot of things from me now we're going and I'm at perfect ease to not give them to you, because from now on we're not on the islands anymore and the old rules don't apply. There's only one rule between you and me and fuck shit it's not the one that you proposed after I showed you Fenrir."

He tightened his grip.

"Second, I hit him because I was worried about him hitting me, not about some dumb pinky promise we all made half a year ago to appease Sora. Maybe I could've thought've some unlikely excuse and maybe I could've waited for him to go on the physical offensive first before hitting him but I didn't, maybe because I'm not the fucking thinking things through judge in times of crisis that you think I am. All I knew then was that something big was in my face and threatening my goal and getting to it, and I dealt with it in the most efficient matter of the time. You should count yourself lucky I don't do the same with you."

"Please stop, please Riku, you're scaring me..."

"Third..."

Riku let go.

As he was coming to often feel as if, Riku felt like he should be staring at his hands in shock right then, that he wasn't and actually all thinking about what they were going to do with the body and the missing moment when his mobile had stopped ringing and voicemail had started and he was scrambling over to hear it.

"_Riku_," Kairi's voice was saying through its speakers, all chirpy, unknowns of the dark atmosphere weighingthe recipient down. "_I just called to tell you that Tidus wasn't at his house, and we ran into a few complications getting out of it. Where are you? How did the conversation with Mrs. Strife go? Any news on Sora? Kairi."_

A beep signalled the end of the message.

A horn signalled the start of the ship's departure.

"Hypocrite," Tidus hissed at him from the other side of the cabin.

Riku groaned and threw the cell phone somewhere else, making himself comfortable on the scratchy blue carpet, holding his head in his hands.

They'd be in for one hell of a long ride.

It seemed to run smoothly for the next half an hour or so though, as Tidus fell into a doze and no one came in, the guard didn't wake up: Riku made fine use of the time by pouring his scotch collection into the outside sea then binding and gagging him and throwing him into a cupboard. He wasn't sure if Tidus would agree but it was either that or throwing him overboard like they did in all the movies, stealing his clothes and pretending to be him. His own solution seemed a much more humane one, and if caught and questioned they always had the excuse of not trusting the guard not to blab about their stowaway freely released, since from what they saw he could hardly be trusted to even do his job.

Which brought Riku onto more personal matters. He knew he had to apologize to Tidus but he planned on putting it off as long as possible, still not yet certain of the other boy's character towards this type of situation. Riku suspected he got into a lot of fights with his dad, so that meant to be genuinely forgiven he had to be either extremely sincere or extremely understanding, depending on how often the two made amends with each other or more relatively, how often Jecht took the blame.

Riku was leaning to the never side on that boat but he couldn't totally think for sure... So he discarded that wondering, instead coming to think in the chance that it all blew over. It appeared that Tidus'd fully thought coming through, but how much did he even know about the trip? Like, did he know where he was going? How exactly it was they were going to save Sora? It seemed odd for a kid of his intelligence to completely drop all prior inhibitions for a trip that he knew nothing about, a partner who hadn't planned anything, and a person he was only duly aquatinted with. (He couldn't remember Tidus and Sora ever being _that_ greater friends...) Was his 'fully thought coming through' the same as Riku's-- could Riku trust him?

He supposed it didn't matter in the greater scheme of things now, as they were already fighting about one thing. They'd cross that bridge when they came to it, if they did, and if not, then it was never meant to be crossed anyway.

Riku'd find Sora, with or without Tidus.

When the other boy finally awoke they were halfway across the ocean and the sun was halfway across the sky, Riku was counting ceiling tiles to avoid the thoughts swirling inside his head and the insufferable boredom creeping up on him.

Six hundred and fifty two... Six hundred and fifty three... "Hey." He said.

"Hi."

Six hundred and fifty... Oh damn, lost his place again. "Awake, are you?"

"Yeah." Riku looked over to him. Tidus was looking over at the bulging cupboard.

"Getting late, isn't it?" Tidus seemed startled, and he replied only with a quiet "yeah."

"Wanna go outside and see at the sunset?" Riku hadn't stopped looking at him.

"Aren't you worried about getting caught?" Shaking his head, Riku took Tidus's hand as Kairi would so often those long years ago and led him outside to the edge of the shipdeck.

Riku didn't let go of Tidus's hand. "Beautiful, huh?" He murmured.

"So different from the view at the islands." The water was calmer here, smooth and glistening like it had a coat of wax, the massive ship running with its ripples and waves made no effect at all to the water they were looking at. The sun shone.

It reminded him of a lot of things, of torches in their backpacks and Sora being his light, Selphie's penchant for finding hidden meanings in things emerging through. He only realised or remembered now how Sora was Latin for sky and Kairi for water, the thing that came between, Riku for land. How Tidus had once told him that his name meant sunshine and how he hated it because it was girly, but how it reminded him of the light that's just a little too bright – could the water be only it's astranged reflection? – and how it now made him think of light and grass needing water but also needing sun, his year seven science experiment never completed.

How Selphie always realised hidden meanings before him.

"Tidus," Riku said and all of a sudden it was so much harder to speak, his voice was gravely. "I'm so sorry." He'd meant to put it off but it'd just come out. "For before."

"It's alright." Tidus replied. "I know your protective side comes out a little differently sometimes."

Which translated to 'you might think your dark is as black as night but it's only as dark as darkness, you have a light behind everything, even the voice that told you to go to Midgar, you think it's hidden but you don't know that the shadows in the dark know where the light in the darkness is, you think that just because you can't see them then they can't see you, if you close your eyes then reopen them I might replace them someday. You're wrong, but the light won't get behind your eyes to trick you like they will, it might destroy you from afar, but I won't stray from the light if you don't.'

Which wasn't right because Tidus didn't even know about any of those things and wasn't nearly as complicated as Riku but it was the only way Riku could think about it without being overly sentimental.


	4. Chapter Four

A/N: You don't know how much this chapter killed me. You don't know how much Riku emoness annoyed me. You really don't—I was so sick of Wutai by the end of the first draft and then the chick I'm writing this for (let's just call her my beta, even though she does nothing but squeal fangirlishly at the bare mention of cuteness) asks for an extension of the drunk part with added Riku-demeaning, and you can just imagine my reaction. Anyway, I ended up going along with it, so this chapter contains next to nothing of consistency and plot and all to everything of bunnies and fluff. I lay it on thick, dude. You have been warned.

* * *

_Back then was about the time when he first started getting sad a lot. He could never figure out why. It didn't really always come on when someone screamed at him but sometimes from nowhere or little things, when saw a blowfly bashing against the window, trying to escape from the busy classroom, when Sora told him he couldn't play with him_ _that day because he had chickenpox and he wasn't allowed to infect anyone. When he saw, in the path of an oncoming car, a small white flower._

_He would just get so upset. Needlessly, and he'd ask himself, _Why? What's wrong with you- you have everything, a good school, a good family, a good set of friends. You shouldn't be sad. There's no reason to be. It's not important; it's definitely not the big deal you're blowing it up into being. _Why couldn't he just be happy like everyone else anymore?_

_Sometimes the though'd be aloud and it'd be a scream into the rooftops and beyond that, the skies, or a whisper that was so faint that it couldn't be heard through the sound of his raking sobs unless you were listening for it. He'd run to the park near his house and he'd sit on his favorite swing and kick at the unraked autumn leaves piled at his feet and cry until his eyes were puffy and he couldn't cry anymore. Eventually Sora would turn up, asking Riku why he wasn't at their island that day, Riku would run away from him too, because he couldn't let Sora see his tears. Boys didn't cry, it wasn't normal._

_Normal was happy, nothing about Riku was ever normal._

_Riku felt normal when he was with Sora; he felt awkward when he was with Kairi, adventurous when it was with Selphie and plain angry with Roxas. He usually felt sad when he was by himself, but if there were other people around he could usually take out some of that sadness about not being able to be happy on them. There were his lies that fed into this blame game of hatred onto society and its own, and if he mustered enough of them at once then maybe he could convince himself for a moment that it wasn't him but the rest of the world, he was the only one normal in the world and everyone else were abnormal freak who constantly asked themselves what normal was and why it mattered—_

_When they were sitting on the papau tree together gazing at the sunset and others would come and go but they'd always be there for each other when it mattered the most and the least and all the other times that Sora was sad occasionally after fighting and Riku would stare into the water and apologize with his actions and not his words and when it wasn't fighting with sticks but with those words then Riku would remember that most people cried not when they were like him upset, but angry, so he'd never be able to comfort Sora without being rejected so there was no reason to try in the first place and as he watched the younger boy stomping away from the water to the paddleboats, just wanting to get away, Riku filed the memory of his reasoning in a box in his head to be remembered and the way the sunset looked pretty in another marked spam._

_He was a coward. If only one day he'd be brave enough to chase after Sora instead of just sitting there alone on a tree, lying to himself._

_Sora always chased after him, at the park._

_The thought made a nine year old Riku sad for awhile.  
_

_It was a few months into his sad attacks that his insomnia started. He didn't notice it at first. It wasn't a sudden, heavy feeling like with the sadness, but more gradual,_ _a kind of_ hmm, I can't sleep now so why don't I just stay up for half an hour more _type of decision, so soon he was pulling all regular nighters and figuring out how to do this thing with his head that he could do when he was tired enough, keeping his eyes half lidded and his body in autopilot, but his mind in an almost low-power mode. He didn't think it was healthy but when he slept for real his bad dreams came back, this one in particular where he was blind and he kept reaching out for a hand to hold but it was a dream, these scientists that surrounded him, shining their torches in his empty eye sockets, suddenly transformed into great big monsters with bulbous yellow eyes that glinted back at his knowingly and from them he somehow suddenly realized that he could see after all. So, relieved, he lifted his hands to undo the bandana covering his eyes and when it fell back there was a mirror in front of him that he was staring into and he could see his face slowly morph from relief to shock horror, because his face in the mirror had those very yellow eyes._

_It was in the silent mornings stemming from those with that nightmare that Riku became obsessed with the darkness that was his greatest friend and protector but also his greatest foe._

* * *

But inevitably sentimentality re-adhered in him as normal conversation resumed, the sun disappeared, Riku feeling a lot more talkative in an attempts to say sorry without resaying the words.

"Boating is fun, and tiring after awhile, but what's flying like?" Tidus asked.

"Huh?" Flying was Sora, Sora meant sky, the ground and the sky were two separate realms, the sun was stuck behind the sky and the land liked it that way, why didn't the sun?

"What's it like to fly, like on a plane? I've never been on one before, and I was kind of excited about the one that was going to Balamb. Just curious, 'cause I know you've been on all those business trips with your parents."

"Oh," Riku said, "Well I really like flying, so I might be a little biased, but... It's pretty unique. Your ears pop constantly so you keep swallowing and on long flights the seat gets really uncomfortable so you're squirming and the people behind you are always talking loudly. It's kind of boring, if you don't have a book to read or a window seat to peer out from. Window seats are awesome, especially when you're moving quickly below the clouds: everything always looks so tiny and intricately complex, like the back of a circuit board, and the quicker you go the more you try to take everything in, the higher you go the bigger you feel inside, the smaller the detailed world seems, as if you could just brush away entire cities with your bare hands, if only you could reach them. Then the clouds come if it's a cloudy day and you're swallowed by the sky and a million shades of blue and white and maybe a bit of turbulence and you get bored and turn on your walkman and that's it."

"I see." Tidus said, then, "you have a walkman? Dude, ipods are so much better. Even mp3 players win out to walkmans."

"I don't know." Riku said, "I've just had mine for so long I've gotten used to it. Batteries might be interrupting but at least they're portable, and you don't have to set out for the nearest electrical outlet or computer whatever every time you run out of charge."

"But still, listening to the same twenty tracks over and over again? There's no variation, you have to get bored after awhile. And changing the CD is kind of interrupting, too."

"Mmm." Riku hummed.

"When did you get your walkman?"

"Uh..."

It was like it always was, wasn't it. The more other people talked about themselves or asked about him the more he clammed up.

"I think my mum bought it for me when I was little, for one of my birthdays, when I told her I didn't really like loud music. I kind of only ever originally used it out of spite."

"Don't you get along with her very well then?"

"I don't know." He did know. "I think a lot of kids my age have problems with their parents, but a lot of the time I feel as if it's not my problem with them but their problem with me."

Tidus disagreed. "I'm sure they love you somewhere deep down,"

Riku snorted. "You serious? My dad can't even remember my name, he's so obsessed with his work and the rewards he gets from it. The number of times he's thought my name was Ricky I've lost count."

"Well, your mum then."

"She freely admits in cold blood that the only reason she ever had me was because all her friends had kids and she wanted to jump on the bandwagon, but thought adoption would cause a stir. I don't think she's in denial: nowdays, my worth to her as a person is directly akin to how I treat the neighbours, and however many chores I do around the house."

"That's sad."

Riku shrugged, full well knowing Tidus couldn't see the casual gesture.

"I think I'd rather have my parents dead then alive and not loving me." Tidus admitted. "I'm gonna miss Jehcht. I think I already miss Wakka, y'know? We aren't always that close, definitely not as close as you and Sora, but I looked up to him in a kinda brotherly way. He always knew the right thing to say, even if it wasn't always the thing you wanted to hear."

"Yeah," Riku remembered their notebook conversation in detention, those few months prior. It seemed so long ago. "Feels weird to be talking about them in past tense."

"We'll switch back to present eventually." TIdus said. "We're bound to see them again. It's a small world, you know?"

Looking up into the night sky, Riku wasn't sure he did. It was in remiss that one Nickelback song he always listened to on repeat on his walkman but only ever remembered one line of '_and as we stare, into the stars, we realize how small we are_.'

It was a long time before they went back to the cabin after that.

The ship arrived at shore the next morning, but Tidus didn't disembark with Riku until he was completely sure everyone else on the ship had. When they did, it was with hushed whispers and light footsteps across the ship, then loud obnoxious stomps along the dock as Riku slung his arm around the younger boy's shoulder and started ranting out about this awesome herbal tea brand Tidus was pretty sure he's just made up on the spot.

"Dude," Tidus murmured, nudging him, "people are looking at as weirdly."

"I know, just play along with it." Riku thought the town they'd arrived in no stranger to foreigners, perhaps tourists or tradespeople if the jewellery and souvenir stalls littering the beachside were any idea, acting suspicious when others had no reason to yet think them as such was needless—it was probably wiser to stay silent, rather go out of his way to act the part and reassure them otherwise, but hey.

On that thought, Riku led Tidus over to a rather larger stall with a more quite tone, breaking their conversation with merely his presence, one hand on the counter and the other in his pocket. "'Scuse me," He said, nonchalant. "Do you of know any hotels around here at all?"

The oldest man looked at the woman across from him, babbling something incomprehensible in their own language.

"There is hotel, there, good comfort." The women said, standing up and pointing. "You want earring for your friend? We have cheap earrings."

Riku dismissed her with a shake of the head, making his way down the street with Tidus close at hand.

"Riku, does Sora speak Wutanese?" He suddenly asked, eyeing off local merchants.

"I don't think so, no. Why do you ask?"

Tidus ignored him: "What about you? Do you like, secretly speak Mandarin or something? Is there a relative of yours in Wutai?"

"What are you trying to say?" Riku frowned and turned a sharp corner to the right, into a lane cutting away from the harbour.

"Hey, isn't this the opposite way to the hotel the Asian chick poin--"

"I looked up a hotels here before we came. We already have a booking, and I plan to keep it."

"Then why-"

"Showing them what they want to see, reinforcing character. Don't ask dumb questions."Riku walked faster.

Tidus struggled to catch up with him. "It was not a dumb question! What if the people back home find out where we are from that? They'll track us down and we'll never find Sora."

"They're going to know where we are anyway. We just have to get out of here before they get here."

"What's that supposed to mea--"

"Quiet." They'd entered the hotel front, and Riku plastered on his fake smile – he'd learned his lesson from the airport, that was for sure and certain – getting his room key out his pocket to flash at the check in guy, who nodded. Riku continued up the hallway with Tidus beside him, saying, "This is yours, by the way."

"What, did you get the keys in advance too?" Tidus sounded doubtful.

"No," Riku scoffed, "The guy gave them to me this morning when I checked in with Fenrir."

Tidus stopped walking. "Holy shit Fenrir, we left her on the shi—you came this morning? _Without me_?"

"Keep it down," Riku whispered, looking up and down the corridor. "We'll talk about it in the room. Unlike most places, this places has thick walls, no one will overhear us."

Tidus made a vulgar but quiet remark about five star quality meaning they didn't have to hear their neighbours banging on the headboards in the middle of the night, which Riku promptly smacked him on the shoulder for.

"You're such a girl," Tidus whined. "Me and Wakka used to talk about that sort of stuff all the time."

"I really don't want to know." Riku found the door to their room and unlocked it.

There wasn't much to describe about it: with a TV, a beds and a bathroom it was just the same as any other similar-priced hotel room in the world. Yet Tidus seemed to find it fascinating. "Aww man, we got a mini fridge. And it's got booze in it, unopened! Hey Riku, feel like getting smashed?"

"Not at the moment," Alcohol made him think of him and Sora raiding his uncle's scotch cabinet, like always. (Never again, he thought, but this time the memory was tinted with nostalgia.) "You do realize we only have one bed."

"So?" Tidus asked, Riku thought like he sounded like he was channelling Wakka. "You a fairy or somethin'? Get a ruler and draw a line down the middle if it bothers you so much."

"I don't know why people are always questioning my sexuality." Riku revealed, flopping down on said bed, "it seems perfectly straightforward to me."

"Yeah, to me you're perfectly straight." Tidus echoed, sounding sarcastic for some reason. "Anyway, you were going to explain the booking into the hotel while I was still asleep thing this morning?"

"Mmm. I told you but you weren't listening so I locked the door and went and checked in without you. No one was up then and I kind of didn't want them to see Fenrir. No big deal, really."

"And it didn't occur to you for one second that I might wake up in the locked room without you and panic?"

"Character building," Riku said, "there was no one on the ship at that time and the door was only half-locked from the outside: you were sleeping like a rock, anyway."

Getting angry, Tidus started on him, "Of course, you don't actually think about my feelings. You think about how everyone else'll react, but you don't actually think about me. You don't care if I get lost on a ship on some country where I don't speak the language, but you care about people seeing, just seeing, your precious motorcycle."

"I do care about you, you idiot! It's because I care I have to make sure what keeps your safe isn't taken away from me." Riku was slightly amused.

"Ooh, mister robot cares so much, calling me an idiot, treating me like one _all the fucking time_. You think your master plans are oh so smart and cunning, well the flight attendant didn't think that, did she?"

"This isn't about me."

"Isn't it? Isn't it!? You're the one who wanted to save Sora and you're the one who meant I couldn't get on the plane you're the one who left me all by myself, I'm pretty damn sure it's about you." Riku was staring at Tidus, not at all angry, while the younger blond looked about ready to explode. "You need to step off that damn pedestal that makes you think you're better than all the rest of us nobodies before someone pushes you off."

And with that, Tidus slammed the hotel door half off its hinges and evidently the walls weren't all that thick, because Riku could hear him stomping down the hallway from where he still lay on the bed. Reaching over for the remote, Riku turned on the TV, picking up the whatever it was from the bedside table and rummaged through the drawer bedside table of stuff he salvaged from Fenrir's compartments and his backpack for chips.

So maybe he did feel like getting a little smashed, after all.

Not many people knew it, Tidus suspected, but Riku was a happy drunk. An extremely happy drunk. The type of drunk that would, when discovering one just agrued with arrived back at their hotel room that night, put his arms around their neck and announce in a loud, slurred voice: "I lurve you Tide', lesch never fight again." While hiccupping.

"Gross," Tidus declared, and pushed him away quickly, wiping his hands on the walls. Riku slumped to the floor, giggling. "Man, we need to get you to bed. What the hell was in that stuff?" He picked up the bottle, trying to piece together the washed out label to no avail. So he threw it away – now empty, knowing Riku's luck it was probably poisoned – and tried to pick Riku up.

"Man, you way a ton." He complained. Probably all that muscle.

"Ahaha, you were touching my butt," Riku said. "Now whooshe the fairy."

Tidus suddenly decided he much preferred the sober Riku to this one, regardless of how many fights his sober actions caused.

"Riku, can you try to get up?" He asked, as if speaking to a five-year-old, trying not to panic.

"Yeah," Riku said, sounding a bit more like himself, "I'm not that smashed."

Tidus took him by the shoulder and hauled him up, staggering a bit at the weight and dumping him on the bed.

"Oooh Tide', what're we doin' now?" Riku asked, looking devious.

"Sleeping," Tidus replied, laying back on the bed with a groan.

"Nahhhh," Riku said after a pause, hauling himself off the bed, "Sleeping shucks ass."

"Then why'd you let me push you onto the bed?" Asked Tidus, annoyed, moving to grab his arm again, to be promptly shoved away.

"_Duh_. I s'hought it was foreplay," Riku jumped back again as Tidus made another grab for him, then waved his arm in front of the other boy. "You wan' it, you waaannnt it? Come get it." And thus Riku ran surprisingly fast backwards to the hotel door for someone as intoxicated as he, staggering around its corner to down the hallway, laughing as Tidus chased after him angrily, swearing.

"Ooh, a milk wagon!" Riku cried as he crashed into a terrified looking Room Service delivery tote, grabbing various bottles from trays and staggering about. "Hahaha, I gotcha milk, I gotcha mii-ilk." The delivery boy backed away, horror-stricken. "What, don't cha want your milk? Too bad, 's mine now!" He sprinted off again in the opposite direction while Tidus apologized profusely to the scarred delivery boy, begging him not to call security.

"He's really a great guy normally, no trouble or anything." Tidus insisted, sliding a hundred-dollar bill across the main tray, watching as the Wutanese poor man's eyebrows lifted and he nodded discretely.

"It was a staircase accident." The Wutanese man agreed in heavily accented common tongue, "Just don't let your friend past the lift area, or I may have to tell my manager the true story."

Getting why, Tidus dashed off in the direction Riku went, biting his cheek as he reached a fork in the road, glancing in both directions. To the left, an empty corridor of hotel rooms, to the right an empty corridor of hotel rooms but for a seemingly undisturbed couple with children.

So Tidus took off again to the left and bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut, praying just _praying_ Riku hadn't gotten himself into any more trouble.

Of course with his eyes shut he lost awareness with his surroundings and he blinked as he found himself acquainted with a dead end wall.

Oh no. What if Riku actually _had_ turned right, except the family had paid him no attention as he ran past? What if he got to the lobby and security had found him and thrown him out?

Tidus had actually fallen to his knees at the thought, giving into the thought that he was going to become a beaten up street-vandal in a different country with now no cash and no place to sleep when he heard a slurred shriek to the right, and hardly believing it, rushed to the nearest window.

And there Riku was outside, laughing like no tomorrow, walking along a narrow beam that served as the peak of the Wutanese building's roof, swinging his 'milk' – two bottles of cheap alchohol already opened - alongside him.

"Riku!" Tidus yelled, unsure of what to do, seeing as he was nearing the roof end… What he didn't expect was Riku to turn around at the sound, maniacal grin plastered on his face.

Then seeing the younger boy leaning out the window, Riku leaned forward and waved, with a call of "Hi Tide'!"

Tidus's heart leapt to his throat as the sudden movement meant Riku lost his balance, his arms waving like windmills, Tidus could just see the older boy falling off the edge and crashing down the steep edges to the roof below, the roof below that, so onto the pavement with a resounding smack.

"Hang on," Tidus called, while he should've know better after the results of the last thing he yelled, "I'm coming!"

"Didn't know you were sho inta sex talk duuuude." Ignoring Riku's nonsense, Tidus scrambled out the window to the side of the roof below, clinging to the slippery roof tiles that he was so afraid would collapse beneath his grip. Suddenly he was much more aware of the darkening sun and the evening wind blowing his hair and jacket about, and it felt as if every moment was passing at double speed, though his cowardliness likely meant the minutes were passing slower than ever, as Riku threw the wine bottles off the roof and against an adjacent wall, cackling madly at the shattering sounds they made.

Tidus was still scrambling up the side of the roof against the wall, his foot slipping on a tile, he clawing for the drainpipe further up the wall that could be only centimeters away from his fingertips.

He got hold of it and his heart started beating again, his sneakers somehow regaining leverage on the tiles, his arms pulling himself up and hauling himself over the ledge, where he panted like he'd just ran a marathon.

Without a care in the world, Riku crawled up to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Gotch rid of tha milk." He offered.

"That's wonderful, Riku." Tidus's voice was teeming with hysteria.

"Isn't the sunset preety?" And Tidus looked up. It was pretty, he had to admit, the water distinctly different from the Destiny Island's own, but the sun burning the same fierce white, all the sight was wrong.

Riku snuffled his face into Tidus's neck and Tidus crinkled his nose at the smell of his breath.

"Just how did you manage to get up here?"

There was a fire exit in form of ladder on the other side of the roof, and once Riku'd successfully clambered up it – Tidus refused to go first then have to chase the other guy down when he fell down another flight of roof – Tidus skittered up the rungs, all to eager to get away from his near-death experience.

Luckily, Riku hadn't run off without him this time and Tidus latched onto his arm with little preamble, practically dragging him back to their room in his haste to get back.

They did get back, with much fiddling for room key. This time Riku got to the bed on his own accord and too promptly, fell asleep. He started drooling on the pillow.

Damn, Tidus did not want to try to fall asleep next to that sight of all things. But his only other alternative was sleeping on the floor, and he knew from experience how bad that could get, especially on hard floorboards like these.

So he sat down on the side of the bed and waited until he was sure Riku was asleep, thank god he didn't snore. Then he shoved the arm draped over where he planned to sleep to the other side of the bed and lied down there, muttering to himself in his head.

The next morning, Tidus awoke to a bed-less Riku and panicked: _had Riku escaped outside when Tidus thought he was asleep? _Only to find the older boy stumbling into the hotel room a few seconds later.

"Fuckkk," Riku groaned, holding his head. "Never drinking again," Damn did this headache kill. And in the back of his mind, he could hear something whispering, chuckling, sneering at him otherwise. "Shut up!" He yelled, to see Tidus flinch. "I mean, sorry man I…" Tidus moved to his side to grab his shoulders, holding him upright with a worried look plastered on his face.

"Where did you go?" Tidus asked.

"Bathroom," Riku replied, "I needed to puke…" he trailed, throat hoarse. He tried to say something else, but his voice gave way.

Wincing, Tidus noted, "Your hair's all wet." It looked like something else when it was like this, all knotty and white and gray and perkless, like old soggy noodles stuck to his scalp.

"Water," Riku croaked as he fell onto the bed.

"Hang on, getting you some," Tidus was looking feverishly around for somewhere to get the water from, but sighing, resolved to leave the hotel to buy a bottle at the nearby markets.

But should he? What if Riku got up again… "Don't move an inch," Tidus instructed, deciding.

And grinned as Riku fell asleep, twitching.

Barely minutes or so it felt later, Riku awoke to the sound of a thousand nails scratching into the metaphorical chalkboard of his skull.

"Turn it offf~" He groaned, and there came a rustling noise to his left, then blissful silence.

"It's Kairi again," Tidus announced. "She must be really worried, calling us up so much."

"Uh huh," Riku murmured, nestling his head into his pillow. Tidus nudged the glass of water he'd fetched into his side but he ignored it, and Tidus put it on the bedside table then instead. "We need to get rid of that phone by the end of today." His gravelly voice said suddenly.

"What?" Tidus's brow furrowed as he sat up, "Why?"

Riku rolled over, not wanting to think. "After three days when a person or people are reported still missing, the police file an official thing on it and one of the first things they do to find the people is call them up on their mobile and track em' from where they get the signal."

"Oh," TIdus said. "So, do we have to ditch it or fork it off to someone or…?"

"No," Riku replied, "Just turn the damn thing off and leave it that way." Tidus did, and shoved into his back pocket just in case, moving to sit on the side of the bed while Riku curled into it, trying to fall back into the sleep he'd just come out of. "So now what?" Tidus asked. "I mean, we're here in some city here and so far we haven't seen Sora yet. I don't even get why he would be here. Are we going to keep searching? Where are we going to go?"

"Ahh yeah, one second," Riku said, a hand to his head, "Right, the West. To Midgar."

"Midgar!?" Tidus exploded to Riku's wince, "But that's like, halfway across the planet. How and why would Sora be there? Do you have any idea how _long_ it'll take for us to get there?"

A shrug. "You don't have to go if you're not up to it."

A sigh. "You know I will anyway, Riku. I'm not backing out on you after all this. It'd be just be nice to know why I'm going to one place over another instead of just following you blindly. I'd secretly thought before we'd be just tracking around Wutai since Sora told you before where he was going, he couldn't have gotten too far when he ran away and you didn't think he could survive well on his own." Riku snorted. "It's not funny. Like I mean, if Sora'd been kidnapped by some mob or another and we knew they were taking him to Midgar in particular, and you couldn't tell me because the mobsters threatened you not to, then that'd be different. But there's no reason for Sora to be in Midgar just generally, and it makes me think that you want to go to Midgar now not because you think Sora's there but because you want to go there for your own benefit, to become the next Sephiroth or whatever, or maybe because you don't really think he's there but you're feeding me false facts to throw me off.

"I know this hasn't been a very good adventure so far, with the fighting and crap, but I'm Sora's friend too, and the sooner we find him the sooner we can be all playing on the beach together without a care in the world again. If you trust me, I can help you work out the details and we can get there quickly without fuss. That's what you want, isn't it? Riku?" He tugged on a piece of silver hair. "You awake?"

"Leave me alone," Riku muttered, "also, you're looking into it too much."

Tidus blinked. "I am?"

"You are," Riku confirmed. "Sora didn't run away. He's not subtle enough, the brat. He was kidnapped—"

"By mobsters? No way…"

"Not mobsters, you idiot. He was kidnapped in a way, by something else that I'm not telling you about yet, and something else that could be related hinted to me he was in Midgar." On that thought, where was that voice these days? He hadn't heard it since the night Sora disappeared…

"Goddess if that isn't vague. Ahh well. I get that the mobsters threatened you and you're not telling me for my own good. It's very noble of you. Are we having breakfast soon?"

Riku took the bait far too happily to be healthy. "Yeah, I picked out a coffee shop thing. After that we can go buy some of the essentials we forgot at the markets and set off again."

Nodding, Tidus got up and started to stash their bedside supplies into a plastic bag he'd nicked from the bin lining.

"In another five minutes, I mean."

Groaning, Tidus stopped and flopped back down onto the side of the bed.

Twenty six and a half complaint-filled minutes later found Riku and Tidus found themselves strolling down the aisles of a grocery store on a main street of Wuitai, gathering previously forgotten supplies for their trip.

"Toothpaste!" Tidus shrieked, assaulting the store wall with wildly flapping limbs abound, looking for the familiar red and blue Colgate colours.

"And you call me a girl," Riku observed, as Tidus grabbed two types of soap, shampoo and conditioner to shove in their trolley. "Do we really need separate cleansers, exfoliators and moisturizers? This personal hygiene crap isn't cheap, you know."

"I haven't had a shower in three days, Riku. You smell like cat piss. I think we can afford a few luxuries."

Whatever, Riku thought, so long as Tidus didn't go too overboard, running around the grocery store as if he owned the place. He shuffled down the aisle after the younger boy, Panadol packet held against in two hands, imagining that if he held onto the informative cardboard box long enough some of the drug power inside might magically be transferred into him.

"Riku, Riku!"Tidus ran up to him, tugging on his arm.

"What?" Riku snapped. Freaking migrane.

"They have a Wutain-Commons translating dictionary here. And I asked this cool check out chick if she knew where we could buy a Walkman for you and she said there's this music store down the street that should be good."

"I don't want a walkman."

"What, why not?" Tidus drooped. "I thought we could listen to Nickelback together…"

"It's expensive and it wouldn't be the same." A pause and a scornful mumble, "Stupid twenty year old millionaires singing about problems he doesn't even have."

"Actually, I think Chad Kroeger's thirty." Riku didn't even want to know. "Do you think you'll be able to work out a Wutain – did you know that correctly it's _Wutain_ and not _Wutanese_? I was so surprised – map key? I couldn't make sense of the one in this book."

Riku shrugged. "We don't need it. I remember the way from the map I was looking at on the internet."

"Someone came prepared," Tidus said doubtfully as he dropped the book in the trolley anyway, with justification of "better to be safe than sorry, huh? I'm sure you have like some genius photographic memory that means you never forget a single line on any street map, but I've heard horror stories about you getting lost on the way to school, so…"

"That was one time!" Riku wheeled the trolley over to the 'cool' check out chick, a black-haired Wutain girl with too much eye liner who for some reason wouldn't stop leering at Riku, and they paid for their groceries and left.

"She was so hot man, you should have gotten her number," Tidus said wistfully, taking the shopping bags to carry from a still very hungover Riku. "Imagine the threesomes!"

Riku gave Tidus a very weird look. "I'm just going to pretend I never heard that."

"Not like you have a phone to call her with anyway, since we're all undercover from the mafia and that but dude, you win the genetic lottery while us other guys deal with the scraps and then you don't even flaunt it. I'm sure you could've gotten all our shit free if only you flirted a bit."

"I don't use people like that," Riku explained in the voice of someone who's explained a thousand times before, weary. "It's not right to get someone's hopes up when--"

"You're an a lone wolf and you flirt for life. Yeah yeah, spare me." Tidus might've said more after that but he was starting to sound like Wakka and Riku tuned out, letting the motorcycle of his brain shift to automatic, with little thought like how far they'd be walking back to the hotel so he could take his panadol and finally be rid of the headache of his life.


End file.
